Vinny’s Variety Pack: Anxiety in the AFC

Last week, I talked about which NFC teams should start panicking. Now onto the AFC, where the playoff picture is almost as unclear as my plans for the future!

The Entire AFC West (minus the Chargers):

The Chiefs, Raiders, and Broncos dominate the AFC West with sevens wins apiece and each of them currently holding a spot in the playoffs. Who’s going to win this division? Who knows, but really, who cares? There are two wild card spots in the AFC, and it looks like they’re both going to go to the AFC West as the Raiders and Broncos sit two games up on every team in the wildcard hunt.

Panic Level: Sit back, grab some popcorn and watch the rest of the AFC fight over its division titles.

Cincinnati Bengals (3-5-1):

Hey, sick win against the Giants on Monday night Cincinnati! /s   Does anyone know what “/s” means? It’s the symbols that refers to sarcasm in text. If you put it at the end of a sentence, it means you’re being sarcastic in that sentence. Another example: “Aren’t the excessive celebration penalties just great? I love how boring football is becoming! /s” Okay, seriously now. The Bengals have dug themselves too deep at this point, and they realistically have no chance. However, Andy Dalton (QB) is still really good…/s. Can’t stop, won’t stop.

Panic Level: Fans ironically nickname Andy Dalton “Primetime” in order to cope with their traumatic past.

Baltimore Ravens (5-4) and Pittsburgh Steelers (4-5):

The AFC North is going to come down to Baltimore or Pittsburgh, and really, it’s a toss-up who’s going to take it all. If I had to choose, I’d pick Pittsburgh (who plays the Colts, the Bills, and the Browns (twice) in the last 7 weeks) over Baltimore (who plays the Patriots, the Eagles, the Cowboys and the Bengals (twice) in the last 7 weeks).
Panic Level: Fans of both teams are starting to migrate to Cleveland because being 0-16 is less stressful than fighting for a playoff spot.

New England Patriots (7-2):

The Pats just lost a Super Bowl rematch to Seattle, and the only people who really care are Seahawks fans.

Panic Level: Fans are more worried about breaking a nail than they are about the Pats not making the playoffs.

Houston Texans (6-3) and Tennessee Titans (5-5):

Let’s play a game: which stats belong to which team? One team has scored 26.4 points per game (eighth in the NFL) and the other has scored 17.9 points per game (29th in the NFL). One team has accumulated 386.1 yards per game (sixth in the NFL) and the other has tallied 308 yards per game (30th in the NFL). Do you know the answer? I doubt Texans fans do. The Texans are 29th in points per game and 30th in yards per game. “But they’re 6-3!!” Yeah, how long is that going to last with stats like that?

I choose the Titans as the division winner this year.

Panic Level: Come Week 17, Texans fans are going to be about as shocked as Hillary Clinton supporters on Election Night (too soon).