I saw a preview for "The Hangover 2" the other day. Looks really good, by the way. But it got me thinking about Las Vegas, which got me thinking about gambling, which got me thinking about sports and finally about this column. Anyway, I decided it's time for some arbitrary enthusiasm, irrational reasoning and either being horrifically wrong or amazingly right. Basically what Vegas is all about, yeah? Without further ado, here are some over/unders for the rest of the sports year and beyond.
Times Kobe yells at a teammate during the playoffs — 42.5: Over, but barely. Would have set it higher, but I have them losing to the Spurs in the first round. If Steve Blake makes it through the next two weeks without crying, I'll be impressed.
People who won't have an opinion when Tiger wins his next major — 0.5: Under. You, me and every cocktail waitress from Augusta National to Pebble Beach will have something to say. But it probably won't be be about his golf game. Although that was a tough 3-putt on 12…
Number of "RED SOX PANIC" and "DEREK JETER PANIC" articles that have been or will be written this year — 3,242,342: Over. Especially in a month, when Jeter is still hitting .206 and the Red Sox are scratching at the door of .500. This has the makings of a long summer for baseball in the Northeast.
Percent of NFL'ers who will go bankrupt during the lockout — 35: I hope it's slightly under, but if they all decide to start emulating Dez Bryant and his $246,000 jewelry tab, the number might climb just a little bit. Hopefully they can stash a few bills under the mattress.
Home runs for Bryce Harper in his major league career — 299.5: Over. I struggled with this one for a while. 300 is a lot of home runs, (10 years of 30 apiece? No small feat), and there is no guarantee he will remain healthy. But as the best prospect since A-Rod and Griffey Jr., I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
Gallons of sweat Kevin Garnett emits per NBA season — 200: Definitely over. According to Men's Health, the average guy sweats 60 gallons a year. Given that Garnett looks like a living, breathing Niagara Falls on the hardwood, it's at least this much. I'm not quite sure how he doesn't require an IV after every contest.
People who think Bonds committed perjury — 11.5: It better be over, because there are 12 members of the jury, and I want a consensus that he's going to jail for the foreseeable future. Hopefully they'll be able to cram his steroid-enhanced forehead into a normal-sized cell.
Nonsense trades that Kenny Williams makes this summer — 3.5: Under. He's already catching flak for his Daniel Hudson/Edwin Jackson trade, and with the way his team is performing so far, he's got no reason to move major pieces. But then again, if the Red Sox could convince him to take Daisuke off their hands, all would be well in the world.
NFL games that will be played in the fall — 15.5: Under. This lockout thing is for real and won't be over quickly. It's in the court system, there is still mediation, blah blah blah. It's going to be a while before we see real football, and I doubt it will be in early September.
Female hormones Manny has taken throughout his career — A lot: Over. Really, Manny? You just pulled a Brett "Let me see how much I can tarnish my legacy in a span of two years" Favre. I hope you never wanted a bust in Cooperstown, because you'll never come close to one now.
