The 2008 NFL season has gone all Gary Busey on us. Kerry Collins is the quarterback of the league's only unbeaten team. The Atlanta Falcons have more wins than the San Diego Chargers. And one could argue that, after Drew Brees, Philip "I throw like a girl, seriously" Rivers, Kurt Warner and Kyle Orton have been the league's best quarterbacks.
Forget trying to predict Sundays anymore. That time is over now. Rationality and reason no longer apply to this league. With Tom Brady bedridden, Peyton Manning limping and Tony Romo's recent pinky injury, the league is more wide open than I can ever remember it. As a football fan, I feel like a baby in a strip club. I need something to orient myself in this upside-down 2008 season. Here are fifteen facts I'm holding onto for dear life.
1. If Marvin Lewis lasts eight games into the season it will be more impressive than the miracle of Hanukkah. In fact, we should start lighting candles now.
2. The Jacksonville Jaguars is that sexy team that people pick as their Super Bowl sleepers for five years in a row until they are no longer a sleeper and just a normal, mediocre team. I think people just like Jack Del Rio's suits.
3. Reggie Bush in open space is the most exciting thing that happens on Sundays.
4. The San Diego Chargers and the Dallas Cowboys share two things in common: They are the two most talented and the two worst-coached teams in the NFL. Sometimes Wade Phillips just seems happy to be here and Norv Turner, well, he's Norv Turner.
5. Troy Aikman still thinks he's a Dallas Cowboy.
6. The Fox team's running joke that "Jon Gruden doesn't like to marry quarterbacks, he likes to date them" got old before it started.
7. Matt Hasselbeck is that cocky guy who wears a headband and the Allen Iverson elbow sleeve to a pickup basketball game and then yells at his teammates for not boxing out.
8. Larry Fitzgerald is the best wideout in football. I have a serious, serious crush on this man.
9. The Titans are no fluke. They have the kind of defense that allowed guys like Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson to win Super Bowls. Kerry Collins, a ring? I know, it's awful.
10. The new crop of coaches brought into the NFL is a combined 13-9. That's just not how this league is supposed to work. The one with the most staying power? Redskins Jim Zorn.
11. The best team in the NFC East might be the team currently in last place. If Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb are healthy, this team can beat absolutely anyone.
12. Peyton may have been down, but there's no way he was going to stay there. The talk of him being the worse Manning brother was ridiculous. The Colts are going to win the division and make a push for the AFC title.
13. Roy Williams is a Cowboy, and that's sort of insane. He's going to line up with Terrell Owens and still might be the best receiver on the field. Cowboy fans must love this but for the rest of us, it just reassures us that Jerry Jones is a ass.
14. Maybe you really can throw farther than Chad Pennington, but the guy is just a winner. If he were under center instead of Favre in New York, the Jets would have an identical record.
15. The NFL is always weird and that's why we love it.
--Gideon Jacobs is a sophomore who has not yet declared a major. He can be reached at Gideon.Jacobs@tufts.edu.
