Op-Ed: 'Hi, this is Ears for Peers, how can I help?'

Content warning: This article discusses mental health, self-harm and assault.

“Hi, this is Ears for Peers, how can I help?”

That’s how I start most of my calls as an Ear. Then, my main job is just to listen. With mental health crises sweeping the nation and hitting many universities especially hard, many people might be looking for support or resources in their communities. Here at Tufts, the mental health problem is as relevant as anywhere. While Ears for Peers is in no way a replacement for seeing a therapist or receiving professional help, it can be a great resource for students dealing with a myriad of hardships.

So far this year, I’ve gotten calls and texts ranging from topics like self-harm, mental illness and assault to topics about schoolwork or scheduling stress. I’ve had people break down in tears on the phone, and I’ve had people vent about situations they were frustrated — but didn’t necessarily feel that emotional — about. The main things I do in conversations with people contacting Ears is listen to their story, try to understand how they must be feeling and then actively express that I hear them, that I understand how that must be difficult and that I’m very sorry they are dealing with that. Sometimes people do want advice or help, sometimes they want someone to just listen to them vent and sometimes they want someone to listen to and validate their emotions. Any of these are totally fine and exactly what I’m there for.

More than anything else, the most common calls and texts we get are people feeling lonely. I think this might be the biggest issue we can help respond to. If you’re feeling lonely, isolated or without someone to turn to, we can be that person. No matter where on the scale your issue falls, Ears is here to try and help.

I think a lot of people at Tufts — people that contact Ears and many that don’t — are often just looking for someone to talk to, someone who will actually listen. For me, personally, I sometimes have issues I’ve been struggling with that I want support on, but I end up not talking to any of my friends. I might not want to share because I feel like it’s too personal or I get self-conscious that I might be burdening them. Times that I do share, it’s not always helpful.

For many different reasons, we might sometimes look around for support and not find anyone to lean on. Ears try to be there in that situation. We get trained on how to listen and respond in ways that will actually be productive. We’re there for anyone, and once you’re done talking to us and hopefully feeling a little better, you don’t have to think about us again if you don’t want to. We’re in no way therapists; we’re just no-strings-attached friends that are there to listen and help in any way we can.

While calls to helplines and crisis centers across the country have increased in recent years and even recent months, calls and texts to Ears have not seen a significant increase. I don’t think the reason for this is that there aren’t a lot of people on campus who want to talk. I’ve talked to a lot of friends who don’t know I’m an Ear that didn’t really know what Ears for Peers was or mentioned thinking the service was good but never feeling comfortable calling or texting. I hope we can be better at spreading awareness about our availability and making people feel more comfortable calling.

The most common feedback I get at the end of calls is people thanking me for validating their emotion, concern or frustration. Ears aren’t professionals, so I can’t always promise you we will know what to say or be perfectly helpful. I can promise you that we will always try our best to offer whatever kind of support you need, will never judge you and will always be glad you called.