Op-Ed: On TDC and Mental Illness

Content warning: This article addresses mental illness and mentions suicide and self-harm.

We are writing to you as the two choreographers of a Tufts Dance Collective (TDC) dance that touches upon the topic of mental health. Through this piece, we hope to elucidate our intentions and clarify any misunderstandings about our dance. Both of us are speaking from our own experiences with mental health and about what has helped us. We are not trying to make any generalizations about what dealing with mental illness looks like, nor are we experts on this subject or see ourselves as such.

As two women attempting to navigate Tufts, we have often found it difficult to talk about our mental illnesses publicly, whether that be in front of a large group of people or even among small groups of friends. Something that has helped us is the use of humor in telling our stories. The levity with which we speak about our experiences makes them feel not only like a normal part of life, but also more easily manageable on a daily basis. We see humor not as a way to trivialize our illnesses (especially given how seriously they have affected us), but instead to find a way to cope with the fact that we have to live with them every day.

In addition to valuing humor, we also value positive spaces that acknowledge mental illnesses in some way. Often, there is a notion that serious topics must only be dealt with in serious ways. We think that groups that center mental illnesses are incredibly valuable, especially given Tufts’ lack of support for students who struggle with them. For us, however, spaces that are optimistic, warm and lighthearted have also been conducive for discussions of mental health. We have found that outlets that allow us to talk about our experiences without making them serious discussions aren’t really present on this campus. With that in mind, we sought to create a TDC dance that aimed to destigmatize mental illness and provide a space on campus that we know has helped us.

Specifically, we wanted to create a theme that addresses mental illness, and presents dancers with the option of talking about their experiences, without requiring them to do so. Our goal in doing this was to push back against the stigma associated with talking about mental health as a part of our daily lives. We also sought to incorporate humor into the dance, through the original title (which we are in the process of changing) “Putting the sex back in SSRIs (because they reduce your sex drive)” With this, we tried to make light of the frustrating, but true, fact that SSRIs can reduce your sex drive. In no way are we saying that mental illnesses or medications are themselves “sexy,” nor are we belittling them. We are instead saying that we, as human beings who deal with mental illnesses and any side effects that come with taking medications, are sexy. This dance is not making fun of mental illness in any way, and doesn’t give anyone else the license to do so (especially to folks who have no experiences with it). What we envisioned through this was to have the dance be a space for people with varied experiences to feel safe and comfortable as we all try to navigate Tufts with these issues together.

Additionally, we are not trying to illustrate mental illness through our dance, nor are we talking about one kind of mental illness. For instance, we are not “the depression dance,” and are not trying to fit mental illness into a mold. Everyone experiences and deals with these issues differently, and it was with these complexities in mind that we chose not to make mental illness the center of this dance. Rather, we want to acknowledge its presence in the group, with the main goal being having fun and building community.

We also know that TDC has been associated with binge drinking, and we were very explicit in our first rehearsal to say that drinking was not an expectation nor an important part of this experience. As two women on SSRIs, we know the risks associated with drinking while on medication, and it has been a subject of conversation in our rehearsals. Alcohol usage can also be a dangerous coping mechanism, and we do not condone it as such. We also felt it important to be mindful of the fact that there are students on campus who have trauma associated with alcohol, and thus, consciously did not make alcohol a part of this experience.

We recognize that TDC is an exclusive space. Our dance has a limit of 22 people, and considering that, we did not ask applicants to share intimate details about their struggles with mental health, so that, hopefully, not being accepted would not seem like a judgement call. We know that this is not ideal, and we fully admit to the fact that it is not necessarily a space that is open to everyone, even though we would like it to be.

Finally, we want to apologize, from the bottom of our hearts, to anyone who we may have hurt in the process of creating this dance. We sought to create a positive, supportive space, and the absolute last thing we wanted to do was cause other students pain. In addition to acknowledging the hurt we may have caused, we also feel the need to point out some dangerous language that has been used in talking about this dance. We are happy to engage in conversations to address people’s concerns, but have seen comments that invalidated our experiences or called into question how “serious” they are.

For example, I (Nihaarika) am comfortable sharing the fact that I have been struggling with depression for over six years at this point, and deal with suicidal ideation and self-harm daily. I can go into detail about the major depressive episode I had last spring, or how I walked into my advisor’s office in tears, wanting to leave school. Tufts does not make this experience any easier, especially for those of us with other marginalized identities. I mention this to say that making an assumption about my experience with mental illness based on my choice to choreograph this dance is hurtful and unproductive. It also sets a dangerous precedent of categorizing what “serious” mental illness is supposed to look like.

We want to thank those of you who expressed concern about this dance, and hope that we can continue fostering an open and respectful dialogue about mental health on campus. If you would like to chat with us, please feel free to reach out at lily.blumkin@tufts.edu or nihaarika.sharma@tufts.edu. There is no one right way to deal with mental illness. We all cope in different ways, and for us and many of the people in our dance, humor has been one of them. Our space is not perfect, and we don’t claim it to be; we’re just two people trying to survive at Tufts with our illnesses. We never intended to invalidate anyone’s narratives, and we hope that the Tufts community will not invalidate ours. We hope that we can continue to make positive change together in regards to campus culture around talking about mental health.

For resources available at Tufts and beyond: http://tiny.cc/tuftsresources