Rebecca: This week, I went home for Passover and was reminded of my shortcomings. My mom sent me out to buy Coca-Cola. As I entered the supermarket, I realized that the sodas I needed were on the highest shelf, and the front layers of them were already taken. I knew that getting a Coke would not be simple. I tried climbing the shelves and even thought about settling for Pepsi, but both seemed impossible. So I flagged down a stranger carrying Doritos and asked him to get them for me. As I held his Doritos, he climbed the shelves and took down two bottles of Coke for me.
As a person who is 5 ft. 3in., being short is a constant in my life. I am used to not being able to reach things. I am not, however, used to being short on other things, like time in this wonderful bubble which we call Tufts. Pooja and I have less than a month left here now. We are so grateful for the friendships and the connections we’ve made. My interaction with the kind, Dorito-holding stranger has reminded me that we all must ask for help sometimes, and I am so glad that two of my four years here were spent acting as the Dorito-holding stranger to some of our readers. This column and Pooja have been my Dorito-holding stranger for the past four years, a place to vent and seek advice. With our last column, I’d like to thank our readers and our submitters.
Q: Dear NYSD, did you hear about the guy who humped Jumbo?
NYSD: Clearly there is a senior out there who realized Jumbo may not be on JumboSmash and really wanted to take advantage of whatever time he had left with our statue. So no, I didn’t hear about him, but to you, Jumbo-humper, good on ya. I hope there wasn’t a tour going on during your hump session. That being said, no one minds turning a trunk day into a hump day.
Q: Dear NYSD, I am a heterosexual girl who only seems to fall for homosexual men. What should I do?
NYSD: Don’t worry, reader, there are many girls who fall in the same trap. All I can say is, sexuality is a spectrum, so you never know who may or may not be attracted to you — don’t go by first impressions. That being said, consent is also important. Unlike Jumbo-humper, you should ask before you try anything. Hump day is only fun with two consenting adults.
Q: Dear NYSD, my roommate cracked an egg on my head today. What’s a good comeback?
NYSD: There are several far worse things you can do. Try putting an egg in their pillow or somewhere in their sheets. Wait until they do laundry after a really long time. Stand outside the door. Video tape the reaction. You got this; you’re a warrior.
There it is readers, the last questions we will ever answer for you. If you still have questions, I’m sure Rebecca and I will still be reading our anonymous Google doc while we’re unemployed in our mothers’ basements.