2/7/16 – Medford/Somerville, MA – CAPTION poses for a headshot on Sunday, Feb. 7, 2016. (Evan Sayles / The Tufts Daily)

Jumbo Steps: Closure

Smack my orbitals and call me a cation, because this atom just got a lot more positive. My electric charge changed this past week, upon realizing that I can only improve my happiness by distancing myself from you.

And so far, I made the right decision.

I’m talking to you, my (former) friend. I don’t want to talk about what has made me arrive at this conclusion: it’s not fair to bash on you here, and you’re not worth my taking the time to write about.

Rather, I do want to talk about one power that you, I, and everyone else, are entitled to: you are not obligated to like everyone you meet, nor is anyone obligated to like you either.

The beauty of friendships is simple: your contribution to it is self-controllable. You get to decide with whom you want to socialize. You are responsible for affiliating yourself with the right crowd. You can value the importance and influence this friendship has.

But it’s a two-way street: I’m simultaneously entitled to decide without whom I want to socialize. I’m responsible for separating myself with the wrong crowd. And I’m equally capable of valuing the degree to which our relationship is now insignificant and futile.

Thank you for reminding me that I may warrant the latter method of control, especially after identifying someone who is more toxic to, than supporting of, my personal happiness.

You could see my attempt to disaffiliate from you as a sign of defeat, characterized as “the easy way out.” But, to tell you the truth, you’d be wrong. Because I’ve won: I will no longer be put down by your sarcastic comments, be victim to your immature antics, or be susceptible to the insensitivity to your off-color jokes. The novelty of your awkward sense of humor has worn off, and, this may just be me, but I’d rather socialize with someone who does not act one-fourth his age.

I mean, this is college, man. Have fun, joke around and continue doing crazy things. I encourage you to embrace all those qualities that make you your unique self. I implore you not to change for anyone, especially for me.

I just want you to know that I don’t bode well with many of the things you say and do. I can’t make you change you, and you can’t make me change my view of you. But, what we can both change is how much of our clashing personalities affect our individual happiness.

And this is the change I’m making: I’m letting you go.

I’m tired of cordially smiling and saying hello to you, only to be greeted with a mute mouth and a set of darting eyes. I’m over trying to make deep conversation with you, when all you do is divert them.

You are not a bad guy. You’re just not a good friend. And I can’t have those in my life. Thank you for hearing me out, and I wish you the best. Good bye.

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2 Responses

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  1. Offended outsider
    Mar 01, 2016 - 10:58 PM

    This article is cowardly, and seems written by someone who exemplifies the attributes which the author attributes to their “former” friend.

    • Jake Lawicki
      Jake Lawicki
      Mar 02, 2016 - 02:21 AM

      Dear Offended Outsider,

      While I personally do not see how my acknowledging that there simply exist some people who don’t bring me happiness confers cowardice and exemplifies child-like behavior of my former friend, I appreciate your comment.

      I invite you to help me see the connection you made from the article to arrive at your conclusion. I’m always looking for ways to improve my writing so I know my message comes across as clearly and intently as possible. As a result, I’d love to hear more of your opinion on this.

      I will revisit this feed and respond to any and all of your further opinions. Should you wish not to express them on this platform, I can be reached at .

      —JL

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