To all the “SWUGS," a call for compassion and not giving up on college

I will never forget the morning of Dec. 3, 2013. Five days before completing the research I began that September in the Netherlands, I awoke to several phone calls from my siblings that changed my life forever. “Dad died,” my sister said. “I’m so sorry, but you have to come home.” I did not realize it at the time, but it was the beginning of a new period of my life which I had never even really expected would ever happen. One of my biggest support systems during finals, the only guy who would listen to me ramble about anything and everything, the first man who ever had my heart, that voice that always pushed me to do the best I can, one of my closest friends -- my dad -- no longer existed. His contact information in my phone remains, but when I call his number, it's disconnected.

I came back to Tufts that next semester hoping for the best. “I’ll just try to go back to normal,” I thought, as if normal even exists at the beginning of any semester, let alone coming back from abroad. I found that Tufts had not changed much. Well, maybe the polar vortex made for a particularly harsh winter… but the same student organizations welcomed me back with open arms. My cronies were still just as eager to entertain coffee dates in Davis and lunches in Carmichael to get a closer look at the incoming class. Late night study sessions in Campus Center awaited me, and a lot of Thursday night cuddle puddles ensued with some of my closest friends. But something for me felt different, to no fault of Tufts or its students. I realized I was not having the same experience as I was before, that the loss I had dealt with just changed my entire college experience -- and I was somehow changed.

As I began to think further, I realized that my dad’s death was not the first loss I had experienced in college. Moving from my Houston dorm room freshman year meant I no longer had my floor mates to effortlessly run to and socialize with every night to decompress after a long day of classes. Quitting extracurriculars that I no longer enjoyed meant also losing touch with the people in them who I still enjoyed being around. Losing close friends with whom I imagined life after Tufts, watching mentors and peers who guided me along the way to the student I have become graduate, lowering my meal plan and not seeing a lot of familiar faces every day ... these were all just some of the many losses I had experienced during my time at Tufts.

College, and just being 18-25 in general, is such a time of transition. College is where many of us are learning to come into ourselves, to realize what is important to us, to connect with what inspires us and to try to drown out or unlearn what does not serve us to cultivate the best person we can be. It is a time to let go of who you were before, not to forget that person but to become a better version of her. It is a time to fall in love (and sometimes out of love) with that library cutie, your thesis advisor, brunch places around Somerville, the ideological underpinnings of your student organization or even the sound of the beat in a frat house basement. Many of us finally have the reins for the first time in the course of our lives, and as terrifying as that may be, I know for me it has been one of the best learning experiences outside of the classroom.

However, college does not end after freshman, sophomore or junior year. No, not much is new about Tufts by the time you are a senior. Dewick gets really crowded during open block. You’re never going to take advantage of everything Tufts has to offer. There really is nowhere in the greater Boston area to study late on a weekend night. Tufts nightlife is an oxymoron. The anxiety that surrounds Tisch on a Sunday could be cut with a knife from across Pro Row.

However, if you keep looking, you may realize something has changed. You’ve come a lot further in your studies. Heck, you have even picked something worth studying whether you are interested in doing something in your field after you graduate or not. You may have an internship that makes you feel like all the late night study sessions in Tisch have finally paid off, or even a friend group that makes you realize what you were missing with your friends from high school. However, the biggest and most important change is that there are over a thousand new and bright and terrified and excited and nervous and awesome and interesting and funny and smart and curious first year students waiting to hear about your time at Tufts; how you’re surviving Comp 40, why you stuck with IR after taking the intro class, how you are handling living off campus, what being on the basketball team is like or how you are trying to make Tufts a more inclusive campus for every student and how they can pick up the reins to keep up the good fight.

I am writing this op-ed as a senior who would very much define himself as washed up. As I write this, I am aware that I have a presentation due tomorrow that I have not yet finished or practiced, that I need to complete a very important job application by the end of the week and that I should probably stretch before my yoga class tomorrow so this time I do not sweat so much that I have to stay in child’s pose because my mat is too wet. However, I am calling on every Tufts SWUG (or self-described washed up senior) to remember that there are literally a thousand students below you that want your guidance. There is no time to be jaded about your college experience as you still have time to do whatever it is that you wanted to do before you graduate.

College is a really tough transition. From the readings where it is hard to decipher why the professor assigned them in the first place, to the exams where you honestly do not know whether you aced it or failed it, to the new surroundings and the stress of trying to make long lasting relationships, I refuse to believe anyone has it easy their first couple of years of undergrad. However, look at you now! Do not forget the people who mentored you -- and try to help out someone else who you may see struggling to make it through.

Try not to be jaded. Listen, a lot has changed. We are no longer exoticized as those “cool underclassmen.” Your EPIIC class is over. And the 2012-2013 club tennis team will likely never all be in the same room ever again. However, there is still so much time to make new memories. You can still start writing for that on-campus publication. Go ahead and adopt a kitten and forget about what your landlord or RA said about having animals occupy your living space. You can still become a LUX model and strut your stuff for the whole campus to see. There is still the possibility of meeting a life long friend, a professor who inspires you to take a new direction with your life or even your soul mate if you believe in those.

College is all about loss. But if you look at it another way, it is also about being on the precipice of new opportunities. Senior year is another one of those opportunities. To all my SWUGs, I am calling on you to be compassionate and not give up on college. Congratulations for how far you’ve made it! May the odds be ever in your favor to complete this year and graduate on time, but don’t forget to leave this campus passing on some vital words of wisdom and really giving it your all before you are off to whatever great adventures lie ahead this year or afterward.