Most American children are encouraged to behave well, succeed in school and develop hobbies and talents outside of the classroom. The typical parental punishment for misbehavior might consist of a time out, a grounding or — worst of all — a suspension of phone or instant-messaging privileges. Is this approach to parenting strict enough?
According to Amy Chua's recent essay, "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior," currently a subject of nationwide attention after its publication earlier this month in the Wall Street Journal, the answer is a resounding "no."
The essay was excerpted from Chua's latest book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" (2011), a New York Times bestseller in which the Yale law professor and mother of three girls expounds on her parenting methods — namely, never accepting a grade below an A, banning sleepovers and play dates and demanding hours-long daily practice of either the piano or violin. Her punishments are equally harsh, and include food deprivation, threats to burn treasured toys and verbal abuse.
"Parenting is complex, dynamic and driven by varying goals and priorities," Jayanthi Mistry, associate professor and chair of the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Development, said. "Take, for example, the value of setting high expectations for children. In deciding how much is too much or too little, it is most critical for parents to understand and know their children … expectations should be just a bit more than where the child is at any point.
"Expectations should not be too far ahead and out of reach, which could lead to children being set up for failure. This of course means that parents have to recognize and understand all aspects of our children's development: their academic strengths, their psychological strengths, their interests and passions and so on."
But Chua's ideas about expectations are vastly different.
"If a Chinese child gets a B — which would never happen — there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion," she writes in her book. "The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get them an A. Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child."
Sophomore Kevin Luo, who is Chinese, said that his mother's approach to parenting in many ways resembled Chua's, particularly when it came to education.
"At the time, it sucked, but in retrospect I appreciate that I went through that, because if I had not gone through that experience, I would not be at Tufts, and I would not be wanting to go to law school," he said.
More so than his mother, Luo's elementary school, in Taiwan, promoted high expectations and dispensed strict penalties for children who failed to meet them, he said.
"In third grade, I went to a local Taiwanese elementary school, and they still practiced physical punishment," he said. "For math class, they'd take the average for the math test — say the average was a 75 — and for every point you got lower than the average they would hit you with a wooden stick. I remember one time my fingers were swollen and bruised; I couldn't play the piano for two weeks. I feel like [for me it was] more the school, but I know friends that had parents that did the same thing to them."
Of course, not all Asian and Chinese parents maintain the same approach to child-rearing; Alex Chan, a sophomore who moved often while growing up and lived in China for a total of ten years, said that his mother was nothing like Chua's portrayal of the Chinese mother.
"She did stress working hard and doing well in school, but she was never disappointed with an A-… she's never really grounded me at all," he said. "I think that my parents have really come to trust me and my work over the years. Ever since middle school they haven't micromanaged me. They know I'll do my work, and so they just kind of let me do what I want."
Chan was astonished to see Chua generalize about Chinese parents, who, Chan explained, have varying parenting methods, just like any culture.
"I find it quite surprising for [Chua] to be so adamant about it in her essay; I think that my mother would read it and be shocked."
Either way, Chua's writings have certainly roused readers, who posted over 2,000 comments — ranging from harsh criticism to glowing praise — on the Journal's website in the first 48 hours after the article was published online.
Chua's book ends with an acceptance of her second daughter's aspiration to play tennis, in an attitude she describes as "newly accepting and open-minded." Still, many believe that her disclaimer about using the terms "Chinese mother" and "Western parents" liberally in order to make a point did not make up for the bold generalizations that fill her pages.
"[Chua does] oversimplify and over-generalize practices and the underlying beliefs," Mistry said. "I think there is always lots of variation within any cultural community, although there may be some elements of a shared approach: high value for educational achievement as a route to professional success, a strong belief in the investment of effort, etc. But again, I would hesitate to claim that only a particular group shares these values," she said.
Moreover, Luo said, strict parenting can have a variety of outcomes.
"I feel like I have friends who have Asian mothers who still do horribly in school and friends with really relaxed parents who succeed," Luo said. "I feel like it goes both ways. If you have really strict parents, you can be driven by it or try to break away, and the same goes for relaxed parents."
And, just as important, Luo said, such parenting can also detract from a child's contentment.
"One of my friends actually went to high school with one of [Amy Chua's] daughters," he said. "She told me that she was not happy in high school."
