Hey folks. We're almost there! I am super excited for Thanksgiving, a holiday I have often considered my favorite. Most likely, I will write a post on my blog next week about the Native Americans and the United States of Genocide and all that fun stuff. Right now, though, I would like to touch upon the topic of urban legends. The more accurate subject name is mass misconceptions, but I think urban legends sounds cooler, don't you?
Mmm, Thanksgiving. Memories of football and Charlie Brown and drunk relatives and, of course, turkey. After consuming a large quantity of turkey, it is natural to feel drowsy and ready for some nice shuteye. It has been said that the presence of tryptophan, an essential amino acid, in turkey accounts for this post-gorging siesta. This is actually false, as turkeys contain levels of tryptophan comparable to most other meats. Though L-tryptophan was used as a sleeping aid prior to its Food and Drug Administration recall from the market in 1990, its sleep-inducing effects can be produced only either when the stomach is empty of protein or there is a significant quantity of the amino acid. The sleepy syndrome post-Thanksgiving dinner is most likely caused by drinking alcohol and eating large quantities of food. I do have to applaud the American public for buying into a scientific urban legend. It's much more sophisticated than falling for another story about a midget clown in a closet. See? Now, you have a fun fact to tell the folks when they ask you what you learned in school.
I'm sure you've heard it said that black men are well-endowed. Well, according to a 2007 study compiling results from more than 50 international research projects about penis size, this just ain't true. The study, compiled by two British scientists, uses data from as far back as 1942 and is probably the most comprehensive penis size study known to man. If they say that we should stop associating race with penis size, well, I'd say we should believe them. It'll do the world some good, as men can get quite touchy about their members. The study reports that 85 percent of women are satisfied with their partner's penis size… but only 55 percent of men are satisfied with their own. Oh no! Come now, men. We're better than this. Have confidence in your Johnsons!
Animals are the coolest. Seriously, dude. As a kid raised on "Kratts' Creatures" and "Bill Nye the Science Guy," I often bring up random zoological facts, such as the ocelot is a jungle cat from South America, just for fun. There are occasionally facts circulating animal-discussion circles that are not entirely accurate. An example of this is the widespread belief that granddaddy longlegs have extremely toxic venom yet human skin is pervious to this poison because of its thickness. Well, your epidermis ain't all that thick. If the insect couldn't penetrate human skin, it would be pretty pathetic. On what would the daddy longlegs use this venom? What kind of prey do you think they are hunting? If they are simply going after the small insects, dead animals or plant matter of which their diet consists, why would they need this powerful venom? It doesn't make sense. This myth has been debunked by both the scientific community and "Mythbusters." Case closed.
Now, I've gotten some weird looks in Dewick-MacPhie after eating stuff off of the floor. Sure, it probably isn't the most ideal condition I want my food in, but if I drop something and it's clear the food isn't covered in loads of dirt and chunks of crap, I don't waste it. You shouldn't either, according to a 2007 study conducted by Connecticut College undergraduates. The students placed apple slices (wet) and Skittles (dry) on the floor of a Conn. College dining hall. It was found that the apple slices showed no signs of bacteria for at least the first 30 seconds of exposure to the floor; it took minutes for the Skittles to become infected. So, next time you hear someone plead the five second rule, let them know that there's no rush. Just let the food chill and soak in all the floor-y goodness.
Now onto the most ridiculous myth of them all: Wall Street is not an indicator of economic prosperity or health. Stock prices are rising because investors now have increased confidence in the system and in their own well-being. The rich are spending again, and why shouldn't they be? Those who were responsible for the financial crisis continue to play their games with our money. Some could argue that increased confidence in the system is better than a complete lack of faith in the system. Yes, that's true. As frustrating as the bailout was, it served its purpose of saving the globe from sinking into the Dark Ages again. However, one must remember that the Dow Jones Industrial Average was at an all-time high right before this recession began. I would argue that this financial crisis was precisely caused by America's overconfidence in its clearly unsustainable economy. I can predict, with near certainty, that there will be another market crash in the near future. In October, 200,000 Americans lost their jobs. Sure, this is better than the nearly 700,000 we lost in February, but our economy is still slowly bleeding to death. The banks and the auto industry are saved. Hooray! Sucks to be one of those millions of Americans losing their jobs, their homes and their lives as a result of this financial collapse... but at least the guys who caused this crisis will be safe. Our economic foundations are in ruins, so why should we trust that these stocks are worth as much as speculators say they are?
Whoa, total downer, man.
Hey, that's reality for ya.
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Greg Beach is a junior majoring in political science. He posts regularly to his blog "Things That Are Cool" hosted by the Tufts Roundtable.
