So it's the holiday season. You're enjoying the various holiday-themed parties across campus and waiting to go home so you can partake in whatever festivities your family and friends have planned. What about your sex life? Are you going to let it die down a bit simply because you won't be on campus? Hell to the no. You're keeping up your latest winning streak even when you're back home. Even if home means the middle of Oklahoma. Or the South. Naturally, we're here to share some of our favorite holiday sex tips so you can keep your break as festive as possible.
Over the break, some of you may be wondering: what do you do with all of this extra food from holiday parties you attend? Word on the street is that you can make use of all those candy canes lying around ... if you know what we mean. And if you don't, just walk around during the holidays with a candy cane constantly in your mouth. That's sexy, right? Girls, if you're skeptical about adding food or drink to your sex life, sit back and drink a glass of red wine. The wine will raise your testosterone levels and make your sexual reactions more intense. No, we're not lying this time.
You know how some people have carefully crafted sex playlists? Maybe you could drag some of those leftover holiday songs in your iTunes library over to your sexiest list. Seducing someone to the sound of "Jingle Bells"? Maybe it'll make him or her want to take you on your own personal sleigh ride.
And don't forget the gifts! The holiday season is perfect for hinting to that special someone you'd like to get it on with. Leave your crush a bag of candy canes with some condoms hidden inside. Totally not creepy. Get your girlfriend some of that ridiculously sparkly red lingerie you were drooling over while watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Also, don't be afraid to get some gifts for yourself! Treat yourself to a holiday-themed vibrator or some pine-scented lube. Wait, that exists? You'd be surprised what kinds of holiday-themed sex toys exist. Thanks to the Internet, we've found quite a few cheerfully named sex kits. Why don't you buy your special someone an "Up the Chimney Kit"? Only $39!
However, we must caution you away from some of the more ridiculous holiday accessories and lingerie. We're talking about the candy cane-shaped thong you were thinking about putting on your penis. It's a bad idea, buddy.
For those of you who celebrate Christmas, try having sex under your Christmas tree! It's like a present you can open right away! Just ignore the pine needles that may or may not fall all around you. It's better than sand, right?
And for our Jewish contingent, you've got eight nights of raunchy fun! Start with something a little innocent the first night, maybe just a make-out session, and then let it get naughtier and naughtier as the lights of the menorah are lit! By night eight, you should try something crazy! And if you do, we want to hear about it, obviously. On the plus side, you can be as naughty as you want since you don't have to worry about Santa bringing you coal.
All jokes aside, we want you to have a joyous and sexy holiday season while you're away from Tufts. Have a lovely break with your families and friends. Stay away from that creepy ex who still lives in your neighborhood and won't leave you alone. Remember to always use condoms, no matter what flavor they are. We wish you many fantastic nights fueled by holiday leftovers and spiked eggnog. Happy holidays from your favorite sex columnists!
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Alison Williams is a sophomore majoring in English, and Sarah Gottlieb is a sophomore majoring in psychology. Williams can be reached at Alison.Williams@tufts.edu and Gottlieb can be reached at Sarah.Gottlieb@tufts.edu.
