Dear Yuantee,
There's this total minx in my feminist philosophy class with big tats who I also see all the time at the gym. We've never spoken and I don't know her name, but she's smiled at me before, so I know she recognizes me. She's definitely in my league looks-wise — I'd say about a 7 (or a Tufts 8.5) — and looks like she'd have a great personality, too. I want to approach her, but I don't know how, Yuantee. What should I Zhu?
-Cupid's Casualty
C.C.,
Believe it or not, I get this kind of question all the time, even from women. This latest apple of your eye may have even written me this same question once, and maybe even about you! I get so many letters.
Obviously, you're going to have to get her name before you'll ever get her number. Do anything you can to figure out her name. I, frankly, find it sad and unacceptable that you could feel the way you clearly do about this girl and not know her name. From my experiences with women, I've learned one thing: Women want you to remember their names.
Once you find out her name (by paying attention in class, or through attendance, or by eavesdropping on her conversations or following her home), you address her by it in an appropriate context, such as responding to a comment she makes in class, like "I agree with what Angela said," or whatever she's called. She will be compelled to find out your name as well, and your relationship will evolve to the point where you comfortably address each other by name. The key becomes running into her "randomly" as much as possible so as to repeatedly address her by name. This will repeatedly turn her on.
Use the vibrant Tufts nightlife to your advantage. The Tufts club scene attracts hundreds of babe-a-licious bookworms every night. Some of the hottest clubs on campus: Burlesque, Hillel and the Leonard Carmichael Society. A few under the radar: Pangea, Cheap Sox and, believe it or not, Rugby. You'll find her somewhere.
You also mentioned that you see her at the gym. This is good. Figure out her gym schedule, and coordinate yours with hers. Figure out her routine. Always get on a bike when she gets on a bike and always make it clear you're cycling at a higher speed. Smile at her and continue to address her by name when she looks your way. And she will. If you don't bike, you do now. If she uses the elliptical instead, so do you — only faster.
Make loud noises when you lift, and bring a wingman who will high-five you after each set. Reiterate constantly to this wingman of yours that you don't need a spotter, and make sure everyone can hear you. After you work your abs, walk over to the girl you love and wipe the sweat from your face with the bottom of your shirt, thus exposing your most recently refined muscles. Then, smile at her again and, of course, address her by name.
As you grow more and more familiar with each other, mustering up the courage to ask for her number should only come easier. She might even surprise you and ask for yours first. When you get this number, this winning lottery number, you've got to cash it in. Call her. The lines at Dave's Fresh Pasta are usually a little long, so I recommend Helen's Roast Beef, as long as you go before midnight. They also deliver, for a romantic night in of eggplant parmesan and you softly repeating her name.
At least, that's what I would Zhu.
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Yuantee Zhu is a senior majoring in biology. He can be reached at Yuantee.Zhu@tufts.edu.
