Most students aren't so lucky as to have a car here until they are at least upperclassmen — if they even ever do get to have one at all. That being said, driving in Boston is serious business. There is a reason that there is a stigma surrounding Massachusetts drivers — the "Masshole" does in fact exist as a natural and primal being.
Admitting this comes with some shame, given that I am a native, but I can concur, having been cut off, flipped off and pissed off enough times to confirm that the legends are true. Unfortunately, no matter how good of a driver you are, surviving Massachusetts roads has more to do with attitude. People aren't always honking because you're actually doing something wrong, so there's no need to doubt yourself. In fact, you can get away with much riskier — and more obnoxious — maneuvers if you do them with gusto. Here are some helpful tips to make merging onto Boston roads a success.
1. Yield to people in the rotaries. I actually don't understand people's behaviors in these things. In defense of people from out of state, I have heard that there are far fewer rotaries in the rest of the nation than there are here. In Massachusetts, people seem to go at these traffic circles as if they're a free-for-all — they're not. Call it a personal vendetta, but there's no better way to ignite my Masshole road rage than by not yielding to me as I innocently go around my roundabout. Open your d--- eyes. Is it really so hard for you to brake lightly and see if anyone's coming? Can you not assess the situation with a shred of intelligence? If you answered yes to either of these, just get off the road … for everyone's sake.
2. Always park legally. If your space has a meter, put quarters in it. Maybe I am all too confident in my ability to escape the wrath of the parking cop, but I'm always sure they won't spot me — needless to say, I've been wrong. More than once. It seems like such a nuisance to put in 50 cents to go into Dunkin' Donuts. The empty car-sized space dictating "No Parking: Here to Corner" is really tempting to flout. The $30 parking violation makes that coffee quite pricey. Find a real space, and when you do, pay the cents. Most of the parking cops in Boston take their job (way too) seriously, but no one wants to pay parking tickets, so it's best to avoid them altogether.
3. Beware of the cell phone. Obviously I realize you're never the problem when you're on your cell phone — it's everyone else who can't multitask, right? Well, consider that you are pretty much the only one who sees yourself apart from "everyone else" who can't multitask. Although they did just make texting and driving illegal in Massachusetts — still curious as to how they are able to enforce this — talking on the phone is still fair game. Being on the line and oblivious makes the famous Massachusetts road rage problems that much worse. In my own statistical terms, those who forget to yield in rotaries are significantly more likely to be on their cell phones. Remember the golden rule: Don't be on your cell phone if you don't want others to be on their cell phones.
The biggest thing that will help you adjust to having a car in Boston is, well, simply having one. There are no umbrella statements that can save you from an angry driver's wrath and traffic cops who always seem to find you. These three rules, however, can lessen the blow. Just remember that nothing should be taken personally, including the drivers who curse and flip you off — unless you forget to yield to me in a rotary, and then it's personal.
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Anna Christian is a junior majoring in psychology. She can be reached at Anna.Christian@tufts.edu.
