I 'll admit it. My everyday conversations are littered with my new favorite adjective. It is limitlessly telling and packs a surprising punch: that. You know what I'm talking about: that friend who everyone secretly hates, that guy who blatantly flirts with your Italian professor, that chick in Dewick who talks about personal things way too loudly (oh wait ... that's me). We all know them. Some of us are them. I've come to embrace them, but there is one that makes me reexamine the phenomenon: that crazy girlfriend. "That" is more powerful when it stands alone. Nothing stings quite like being told not to be that girl.
In the 20-odd years that I've been a girl, I'm sure the word "crazy" has been used to describe me numerous times, sometimes rightfully. I've certainly used it and heard it used to describe others. It's only recently that it hit me just how great the scope of "crazy" behavior in a girl, especially a girlfriend, has become. Don't get me wrong: That crazy girlfriend who broke into your house and cooked your kid's pet rabbit is perfectly valid. That crazy girlfriend who drove 900 miles in a NASA-issued diaper in an attempt to kill you — also pretty legitimate. It's when I hear about "that crazy girl who got mad when she found out I was sleeping with other people" or "that crazy girl who really, really likes the guy she's dating" or even worse, that perfectly sane gal who labels herself that crazy girl because she is secretly jealous of her boyfriend's high school gf-turned-bff or that girl who backed out mid-hookup because she had second thoughts that I get irritated.
I will say it every time someone asks me if what they are thinking/wanting/wondering makes them that crazy girlfriend: It's what you do that makes you crazy. Having insecurities, emotions or, God forbid, the occasional irrational thought does NOT make you crazy. If you leave a bag of flaming dog poop on your ex's doorstep or hack into his Facebook.com account to break up with his new girlfriend, then you are on your own. But things like knowing what you want and asking for it, getting out of uncomfortable situations, or expressing yourself honestly in a relationship are on a level of sanity that many girls our age can only dream of.
As a generation obsessed with the word "chill," whose brains are infiltrated by movie heroines that are cool, aloof and untouchable, the need to have our feelings validated is greater than ever. It saddens me to have to explain to my best friend that having painful residual feelings for her ex does not make her crazy, but rather, human. I hate that my honesty in relationships has at times been seriously checked by my desire not to appear crazy. "She's crazy" has to stop being a way for people to avoid confronting what girls' reactions say about their own behavior and start being a way to describe people who think that Ashlee Simpson is a talented artist or don't find Married to the Sea hilarious.
You know how Tina Fey thinks we need to stop calling each other sluts and whores? Well, I am fine with us doing that, but I would love it if we could rethink our use of the word crazy. Instead of "that crazy girl," we could use labels like, "that girl who is rightfully angry," or "that girl who is being true to herself," or even "that girl I wish I had the nerve to be." Fight the power of the label; take it back. Stop trying to avoid being that whipped boyfriend, or that girl who is too candid in class, and own it. Start being that person you really wanted to be before people started labeling you as "that" all the time. Love, that crazy Daily columnist.
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Jessie Borkan is a junior majoring in clinical psychology. She can be reached at Jessie.Borkan@tufts.edu.
