Dear SOS,
After a couple of years of believing that the walk up the hill was enough exercise to keep me in shape, I finally realized that those late-night Boloco binges may actually require a little extra physical output on my part. I've never been a big gym-goer, so I feel pretty out of the loop. There's so much etiquette involved — what to wear, how to act, what to bring — that I've started to curse the day I wasn't born a varsity athlete. Help!
Sincerely,
CardiOMG
Dear CardiOMG,
Your story is a familiar tale, my friend. I avoided the gym for months after a scarring experience in which my BFF brought her entire varsity team over to judge the fact that I was ellipting — with my hair down. But after a few tips and tricks from friends, I have tried to become the semi-regular gym-goer that I've always dreamed to be.
But all in all, the gym can be quite a scary place. Especially when you're leaving late at night and accidentally set off the building's fire alarm. (What?)
The way to combat the fear of fitting in with the other gym-goers can oftentimes be boiled down to the rudimentary phrase utilized by toddlers and primates alike: "Monkey See, Monkey Do."
Before overt mimicking can occur, however, it's good to note what basic tools you should bring with you. A water bottle is necessary (I've met certain athletes who are convinced there's a natural spring underneath Cousens), and some form of distraction is also a good idea. But this is where some of the protocol can get a little iffy.
iPods and other music devices are pretty much a universal must — I'd say go for ear buds over those hipster Bose headphones, which become Petri dish earmuffs when they get sweaty. But the type of reading/study material you choose to bring is up for debate.
I've seen flashcard memorization, I've seen text book highlighting, I've even seen journal-writing whilst on the Stairmaster, and it only serves to confirm my suspicions that we truly are part of the multi-tasking, quasi-ADD generation. Just think about it: There are iPods, there is the gym's own background music (which is often Chris Brown … nice), there are three televisions each complete with subtitles (side note: "The Hills" is officially the worst show to watch only in subtitles — Heidi: "Spencer, you're such an asshole!" Spencer: "What, oh sorry" Heidi: "It's ok! I love you!!!"). There are people you know working out around you, there are textbooks/magazines/novels and, last but not least, there is the actual work-out machine keeping you physically active amidst the intellectual hullabaloo. Yes, I found a way to use that word in yet another column.
Anyway, try to keep your reading and listening material to short, digestible chunks that don't require too much intellectual investment on your part and the time will fly. Do a couple flash cards, or read a little Us Weekly and before you know it, you will probably be a ripped body builder and/or in perfect shape to run the Boston Marathon.
Last but not least, try to keep the socializing to a minimum — most people are either too focused on their work out or physically incapable of muttering a few words in between gasps of air.
But when it comes down to it, most people go to the gym to work out — except for that middle-aged man who wears khakis and flip flops and just sits on the ab machine "doing crunches." Can't say I'm too sure about him.
--Charlotte Steinway is a junior majoring in sociology. She can be reached at Charlotte.Steinway@tufts.edu.
