It seems, fellow potty talkers, that our semester together must now draw to a close, and with it, our exploration of the annals of Tufts’ historied restrooms. Much like the conclusion of any good mid-lecture bathroom break, we meet this moment with a mixture of melancholy and relief.
We would like to take this opportunity to look into the proverbial toilet bowl and reflect on the lessons we learned on what Sam’s dad has dubbed our “toilet dates.”
The first major takeaway is that in the world of potties, the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. At Tufts, students are often relegated to basements, broken showers, cruddy soap and subpar wainscoting. The administration, on the other hand, is granted artisanal hand washes, esoteric posters and reams of fresh printer paper.
Second, less is not more, but more isn’t more either. Our favorite restrooms struck a subtle balance: They lacked the overwhelmingness of Dewick at noon but also weren’t quite as quiet as Carm — sorry, Fresh at Carmichael — at noon.
We also learned that Tufts’ janitorial staff does excellent work. Even given some poor infrastructure to work with, we never once encountered a clogged toilet or any other major problems with the functioning of Tufts’ toilets. This is surprising considering the sheer quantity of students who get Hodge burrito bowls every night topped with oddly gelatinous sour cream and mass-produced guacamole.
Fourthly, we internalized the importance of tiling. We entered some bathrooms to find pitiful walls that screamed of an elementary school built in 1960. Others, however, gently swaddled us in their calming tile patterns, providing the warmth we have all at one point sought. The lesson here is simple: setting the mood matters.
Penultimately, we’d like to offer a look behind the curtain at the greatest PR debacle the Tufts Daily has experienced since the Massive Mooch Mess. One week, we described a kitchenette as well-apportioned, but at some point in the editing process, it transformed into a well-proportioned kitchenette. Well, let us tell you, the kitchenette that we were describing was tiny but stacked with appliances, and our passionate fan base knew that! We received innumerable angry letters from our dedicated fan base, and we want to sincerely apologize for this gross misstep.
Lastly, we learned that bathrooms are not just places to heed nature’s calls. Each bathroom is like a small temple, a sanctum in which one is able to find time for oneself in this frantic world. So, with finals approaching, just remember that the best place to release your stress, study or hang out with some friends might just be your local Tufts bathroom.
There are undoubtedly a great deal of bathrooms we have yet to explore or which remain entirely undiscovered by the student body. We implore you, dear reader, to strike out and begin to review for yourselves. Take these pages as your guide and share with the world that which was previously taboo — your very own potty talks.
Tufts Bathrooms: 6/10 pretty good