Tuff Talks: Girl talk

Dear J: Why do guys not like me? I am definitely not ugly, but it seems like no one approaches me. 

J: Girl, I am sure that you are beautiful. There could be a million reasons that we could nitpick, but most likely the culprit isn’t you. I asked some of my female friends and they agreed that it’s rare to just be ’approached’ in a direct sense in person. Any flirting usually comes after starting off as friends and not from strangers. The most common way to be ‘approached’ is on Tinder, but that makes sense because people are on dating apps in order to get approached. Social media is also a common place to get hit on, but honestly, I’m not sure those are the guys that you want to attract. 

You should try to take the initiative and be the one to approach guys. This will give you full control over whom you’re talking to. It’s easier said than done, and it’s nerve-wracking for anyone to face rejection, but I think you’ll find that most guys will be flattered. Just be casual and ask if you can study together for an upcoming test or get coffee. 

Other than that, my only other advice is to maybe be more outgoing. I’m not one to believe that you should, in any way, change yourself to be more ’attractive’ to guys (please don’t!), but there is something to be said about having an open vibe that will make you more approachable to anyone. Sometimes people will mistakenly not approach someone because they seem emotionally unavailable (i.e., in a relationship). 

Dear J: My boyfriend smells weird and I don’t know what it is; how do I tell him that he smells peculiar?

J: This is one of those things you should just be upfront about. Don’t be mean about it, but the more direct, the better, especially if this is not a one-time thing and he has been smelling weird for a while as your question suggests. You could try saying: “Hey babe, you’ve been smelling strange lately — do you agree? Have you changed something in your shower/hygiene routine?” Take the conversation from there, and make sure he showers or addresses whatever has been causing the smell. If something still doesn’t change, he should consider going to the doctor because it could be a medical problem.

 


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