Dear J: How do I handle a long-distance relationship?
–Far Away
Dear Far Away: Long-distance relationships are going to be hard. Although there is nothing around it, there are ways you can make it easier.
Firstly, being in a committed long-distance relationship is not for everyone, and it takes an immense amount of trust, especially at college, where you are constantly meeting new people and having new experiences. It takes a committed and self-assured person to look others in the eye and tell them that you are not searching for anyone else. Be honest with yourself and your partner about whether or not that sounds daunting. Also, be sure to set boundaries so both parties can feel secure and loved. For example, maybe you’re comfortable with your partner spending time with others but you draw the line at physical contact.
Before committing to long distance, it’s important to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Long distance has to be temporary, and you have to have a concrete date to reunite or else it will never work out.
If you both decide that you are prepared to take on a long-distance relationship, congrats! Remind each other of your love languages and revise them a bit to fit long distance. If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, consider occasionally shipping them a surprise or ordering pizza to their door. Although physical touch is a hard one to fulfill, it’s still possible to get creative. For example, maybe hugging the stuffed animal they gave you will bring some joy.
Schedule time to talk to each other consistently, like a phone call before bed every night and a FaceTime date once a week. And if possible, make an effort to see each other in person, like making a weekend visit twice a month (but please beware of COVID-19 guidelines).
Dear J: How can I balance schoolwork and friendships with exams coming up?
–Overwhelmed
Dear Overwhelmed: Midterms are in full swing right now, and although those should take priority, it’s still important to socialize and spend time with others, if that’s a way that you like to de-stress.
It’s been said a lot, but time management is really the key. Set aside time slots to study, and make plans in advance with your friends, not spontaneously. If others make plans that infringe on your study times, don’t worry about missing out because your friends will be there after your midterms!
You can also bond over exams with your friends. Go on Reserve Tufts to reserve study classrooms for you and your friends to quietly work together. Or, if you know people from your classes, meet with them over Zoom or in person to study together. This can be a great way to stay productive while still enjoying the company of others.
You may find it helpful to schedule blocks of time in your week to complete your asynchronous classwork and treat it as a synchronous class. Good luck!
