Holy hamburger, Batman!

Apparently, ramen burgers are a thing now. I won’t be talking about them. Let’s get back to the no-nonsense roots of bun, burger and toppings.

Boston Burger Company (colloquially and hereafter referred to as BBC) provides a startling array of burgers. The Davis Square mainstay has so many, in fact, that it gets a bit overwhelming. Anyone who’s been to the eatery is familiar with what a typical visit to the restaurant looks like:

“Welcome to Boston Burger company. How many of these burgers have you tried?”

“I dunno, maybe three?”

“Have you tried the Kitchen Sink? (a burger with fried egg, ham, bacon, grilled onions, peppers mushrooms and three cheeses). It’s like an entire farm on a burger.”

“Done.”

“Okay, but did you even look at the Waikiki Beach Burger (grilled pineapple, ham, bacon and teriyaki)?”

And so on. The kicker is, once you’ve gone through the labor of choosing (and maybe finishing) a burger, you still feel like you’re missing out. You’ve had one burger, and there are 27 others on the menu. The only remedy to the situation is to go again.

The good news is, the dining halls have the ingredients you need to build a number of the beautiful (and mind-boggling) burgers on the menu. Save yourself a trip to BBC and see what you can accomplish at DMC (Dewick-MacPhie/Carmichael). All the burgers’ names courtesy of BBC:

  • Killer Bee: American cheese, bacon, onion rings and honey BBQ sauce. No honey BBQ sauce? Honey + BBQ sauce = problems are solved.
  • Ranch Burger: Ranch, bacon and American cheese. This is super, super healthy.
  • Burger Bomb: Grilled/sautéed onions, peppers and mushrooms, with American cheese. Try this one the next time the dining halls serve Philly cheesesteaks and all the ingredients should be there.
  • Mac Attack: Macaroni and cheese, bacon and a burger. You really can’t go wrong.
  • The King: This one is crazy, but again, everything you need is in the dining hall: peanut butter, bacon and banana, with cinnamon and sugar sprinkled on top. Jeez.
  • Hot Mess: This one calls for sweet potato fries, pickles, American cheese, jalapeños, red onion, bacon, shredded lettuce and Thousand Island dressing. Pray for a day with sweet potato fries.
  • Green Monstah: Guacamole and pico de gallo, with your choice of cheese. Personally, I’d go with cheddar.
  • 420 Burger: Bacon, BBQ sauce, American cheese, mozzarella sticks (because more cheese is never a bad idea), onion rings, french fries and macaroni and cheese (see?). I think we all know why it’s called the 420 Burger. Hopefully they’re serving mozzarella sticks on April 20 this year, but that might be too perfect.

The following burgers aren’t on BBC’s menu, but they’re sure on mine:

  • Bacon Bleu Burger: Mix a bit of butter with crumbled blue cheese. Put it on a burger and sprinkle some of the poultry seasoning over it. Finish with bacon, tomato and lettuce.
  • The Don’t-Knock-It-Til-You-Try-It: Top your burger with provolone, pesto, bacon and tomato.

I’m not going to mince words: the burgers at BBC outshine anything you can get in the dining hall, and I’ve only covered about a fourth of their menu. If you haven’t been, go: It really is delicious. But when the overwhelming feeling of “too many burgers, too little money in the bank account” sets in, settle for something out of DMC.

P.S. If you ever want to try one of these burgers, but don’t want to/don’t have the confidence to make it yourself/would like to be waited on, I’ll happily make you one in exchange for being swiped in. Cheers!


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