Recently, Bermuda shorts have been attempting a comeback. American Eagle brought them back in stock last year and they have even graced the thighs of the Kardashians. Though there is plenty of evidence of a resurgence, many are still undecided over whether they should try the shorts. So, as temperatures begin to rise around campus, we are here to decide whether you should squeeze back into your old pair.
Coco: People of all ages choose to wear Bermuda shorts. From soccer moms, to too-loud fathers, to fourth grade girls, all can be seen in these tropical trousers. This does not mean however, that the shorts work for all these groups. I would argue that they do not work for any of them. These shorts are awful and I hate them. They seem confused as to what they want to be. What temperature do I wear them in? If it’s hot, I am going to wear shorts and, if it’s cold, I am going to wear jeans. So where do these atrocities fit in? Similarly, the fact that they are at awkward above-the-knee length makes them so unflattering. If Kim Kardashian does not look as absolutely amazing as she usually looks when she wears Bermuda shorts, I am personally not going to take any chances trying to wear them. The only acceptable time I can imagine wearing these shorts is if they are the only shorts that work for your middle school’s dress code. But, now that we have the freedom to wear whatever we want, I seriously question anyone who voluntarily wears these.
Beans: Ah yes, Bermuda shorts. The uniform of a dad headed out to watch little league on a breezy summer afternoon, who claims ‘it’s all about the kids having fun,’ but gets thrown out in the sixth inning. The go-to for a different dad, grilling up a storm and pitching out lines like ‘hey watch it pal, this barbecue is ripping hot’ and ‘will you be a sport and toss a brewsky to this old-timer?’ It is especially a classic for the dad at a NASCAR race, flip-flops on and toes out, who can see the speed no matter the UV index with his slick pair of Oakley sunglasses firmly in place thanks to his croakie. The Bermuda short is rarely worn by anyone within spitting distance of the country, yet this island is forced to be associated with these distinct, colorful patterns and dads soaking up the sun. This, however, is not a critique of this style as a concept. I firmly believe there is a place in society for this look: with the older generation. Leave it to the boomers. I say we let them have their fun. Let them live without the burden of being alive for the inevitable environmental failure. Let them continue with their lives without concern for the intersection of crushing student loans and an impending recession. Let them enjoy their knee length, mismatched atrocity in bliss and naïvete.