Spring Semester Senior Year: the most fun and relaxing semester of college … not.
Chances are, SWUGs all over Somerville are doing some serious stressing and sobbing. We’ve got less than 50 days left of school, and about 49 things left on our SWUG-et lists. For those SWUGs with jobs — congrats. For all those without — one day soon? For younger students who know not the pain of Senior Spring, April Fools’ Day is the perfect day to cheer up your favorite SWUGs on campus. Here are some fool-proof ways to make a fool out of a desperate and depressed SWUG:
- Write them a fake job offer. Swugs are constantly refreshing their inboxes, hoping that miraculously, even though they’ve yet to apply to a job, they have an offer. Find a template on the interweb, and tailor it to your favorite SWUG’s dream job. You can go for the old-school prank, and mail this letter to their actual home address, or you can create a fake email account and hope they don’t notice that the domain name is @com. Offer your SWUG lots of perks and benefits in the job offer, and give them a number to call you at to chat about details. When they type the number into their phone, they’ll soon realize that their future employer is a hoax, and a very bad friend.
- Write them an email from the Dean of Students, stating that they have yet to complete all of their graduation requirements. Somewhere along the way, an art credit or world civilization requirement fell through the cracks, and they have no shot of graduating in May. Their parents must pay for another semester worth of college, so that they can complete one more credit, and they can not walk with their class at graduation. They also must live in a first-year dorm for their extra semester, since they somehow missed a semester of the on-campus housing requirement. They have a curfew of 10 p.m. on weekends, and 8:30 p.m. on school nights. A senior thesis is now required. Best of luck!
- Hold an intervention for your SWUG. Sit them down with their closest friends and slight acquaintances, and tell them “You have a problem, and you need help.” Tell them that they’ve been staying in too much. They haven’t been drinking like they used to. They’ve been hiding when you go out on campus. They go into Boston every weekend, and forgo the frat scene. You’re worried for their wellbeing. Will they ever be fun again, like they used to be? We miss the old you, and by old, we mean younger, you.
- SWUGs — this is a prank you can pull on your parents. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you’re probably not so open about your love life with your parents. This prank is a long-con, but can be done quickly, if done correctly. First, pick a partner in crime that you would like to be fake engaged to. Change your profile picture to a romantic shot of the two of you. Next, have your fake fiancé draft a fake email from their mother, explaining that she is very worried that “the kids are getting engaged so young.” Have a quick laugh about the corrupt institution of marriage. Finally, send the email to your parents’ accounts, and wait around for the fun, and a frantic phone call, to ensue. Explain to your parents that you found the one, and who needs a job when you’ve got a husband/wife? Threaten to drop out of school and elope, a month before graduation. Oh, to be young and fake in love.
Happy April SWUGS Day.