Over*Cher*ing

Hearing that Cher was ill struck me. I have never cared this much about a person I have never met. I can still remember the first time I heard her: I was four years old and still had my youth. I was at a bat mitzvah and heard a new song, “Believe" (1998). Although I did not understand the message, I knew it would stay with me forever. My love affair with Cher started in 1998, and in 2014, I was slated to see her live -- a moment that I had spent my life waiting for. However, Cher has recently been battling a viral infection and she has cancelled all of her remaining tour dates, including mine. She claims she tried to be “strong enough,” but I am doubtful. I have no words for the emptiness that I feel, so if you find my advice this week a bit dark, that is because it is.

Dear NYSD, Why is the internet such a dark place?

Rebecca: Recently, I have been experiencing the highs and lows of the internet. All in all, it’s a great place. I can order cupcakes to my door and stalk my kindergarten crush in five minutes, things that our grandparents might have thought impossible. However, after writing this column, I have realized that the internet is quite dark. Whenever anonymity is available, people will say all of the things they feel without fear of retribution. Whether this is on Yik Yak, in our Google doc or in the comments on one of our most recent articles, it happens. Like all things in life, you take the bad with the good and search for the constructive criticism in what is mostly nonsense.

Dear NYSD, Is swimming with dolphins safe?

Rebecca: I am so glad this question came up. I am terrified of swimming with dolphins. Two of my best friends (Estelle and Neva) and I have an open dialogue about the safety and viability of dolphin swimming. While Estelle is all for it and Neva is lukewarm, I am staunchly against dolphin swimming. Dolphins have been known to be sexually aggressive toward humans, which is enough to keep me away from them for a lifetime.

Dear NYSD, Why is everything in this world a phallic symbol?

Pooja: I’m actually really glad this question has been brought up. Being an English major at Tufts has taught me one major (ha, pun) thing, and that is when it doubt, everything is a phallic symbol. From Hitchcock to the Jazz Age, the phallus has been a constant presence in the literature I have studied at Tufts. Where there is a discussion on power, there is a phallus. However, today I learned something very interesting during a Not Your Mother's Monologues (shoutout) meeting, and that is, the female equivalent to the word phallic: yonic. I have to tell you, my mind was blown that for two and a half years I have been analyzing the phallic imagery in 20th century film without even knowing that there was a female equivalent. So, for all you English majors that never knew, start looking for yonic symbols of power in your texts -- you may get points for creativity. Also apologies to Rebecca and my mother and the rest of my family, because now when you Google our names, the first word you will read is phallic.

Just on that note I wanted to add that one common fear that Rebecca and I have every time we write our articles is this dark place they call the internet. To all that wonder, we have actually come up with some very witty names for our articles, but are just terrified of our names being associated with things like Meth and Chlamydia ("Is CVS really worse than meth?" and "Lust in the time of Chlamydia"). Okay, well I guess I burst that bubble… sorry again.