CT, more like kill me

This semester, more so than previous semesters, I have made the trip home on the Northeast Regional train. As I sit on my 6:10 a.m. train to Penn Station from South Station, I have too much time on my hands. Moreover, I have to go through my least favorite state in the continental United States: Connecticut. For such a small state, I feel like it is neverending. I would venture to say that three of the four hours I am on the train are spent here. Likewise, as a New Yorker, my relationship with Connecticut people (they do not even have a name for themselves) is tense to say the least. The fact that Connecticut does not have much of anything but suburbs causes some of its to inhabitants claim that they are New Yorkers or Bostonians, depending on where in the state they fall. The state has no baseball teams, no football teams and the Metro-North ... gross. They all claim to be Sox or Yankees fans, but probably could not even tell you which borough the Yanks play in. As a freshman, I remember having the awkward “where are you from” conversation with a hallmate, and he said he was from a suburb outside of New York City. Excitedly, I told him that I was as well and asked which one (though I live in Queens, claiming to be from *the city* feels wrong). He responded with, “Westport, Connecticut.” No, that’s not it at all (yes, Sam, this was about you). Sorry for the rant, but this trip always gets me jazzed. I think I’ll answer a question to calm down.

Dear NYSD, why doesn’t McDonald’s sell hot dogs?

Rebecca: Great question, but I think the reason is pretty obvious. McDonald’s is known for the Big Mac not the Big Dog. Hot dogs at McDonald’s would just become another McRib situation -- a sandwich made of questionable meat that disappears and reappears from the menu ever so often. Hot dogs should be left to the original professionals in Coney Island: Nathan’s.

Dear NYSD, is Voldemort a virgin?

Pooja: It is interesting that you ask this, because just the other day I was having a discussion with someone on this very matter. Although I think we can all agree that the Tom Riddle in the film version of the story was quite fetching, who’s to say the character Rowling invented was even the slightest bit attractive? For argument’s sake, let’s say he wasn’t -- 200 pound, face like a Pollock painting type of deal. Is that why he wanted seven horcruxes? Did he lose a part of his soul for every two years of his dry spell? Was he simply angry because he was unloved? Did he really think a nose job would make it better? So, to answer your question, evidence points to yes -- he was probably a virgin, an 87-year-old virgin.

Dear NYSD, is the cute one of the columnists single?

Rebecca: Yes, HMU.

Pooja: Hey, wait a minute!

Dear NYSD, can you be in love with three people at the same time?

Pooja: That all depends on who the three people are. See, most of the time it can be two -- two makes sense: Simon and Garfunkel, Ben and Jerry, Kenan and Kel -- they are all great duos, so it would make sense to be in love with both. However, three is a crowd. My advice to you is to hold elections, a survival of the fittest game show or something of the sorts, and eliminate one of the options. Alternatively, post on our forum a famous trio in which each member deserves equal amounts of love. Otherwise, one’s gotta go.

That’s all for this week! Please keep submitting questions to our forum!