Summer, for most college students, is spent relaxing. Beach trips, late nights under the stars and the occasional beer consume the hot hours for Jumbos spread out across the world. But beneath those seemingly carefree hobbies is a wealth of understanding and knowledge.
Such is the case in sports, especially during those months when basketball is finished, football hasn't started and Serena Williams is thinking up new ways to say "You don't know me." In the spirit of the summer, and unfortunately for those expecting a column glistening with analysis, I'm going to bring you just the facts — the facts of summer and the facts of life — 100 percent Natty-free.
Fact 28: After Nike made such a big deal about making sure the videotape of Xavier's Jordan Crawford dunking over LeBron James never hit the internet, seeing the actual clip was more underwhelming than "D3: The Mighty Ducks."
Fact 94: Attractive women should stay away from key holes in hotel rooms in order to prevent being videotaped naked. No. Wait. Sleazy men doing the videotaping should crawl into a cannon and shoot themselves to Mars.
Fact 44: For the amount of money Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones invested in his stadium, it has to be one of the most overrated places to view a game. Want a pizza pie? That'll be $60. Want seats that are obstructed by a cement column? $75. These seats are so bad that it's impossible to see the $40 million scoreboard that gets hit by punts on a semi-regular basis. And to think, all this just to see what foreign country Tony Romo's latest flame will take him to.
Fact 32: Steve McNair should be in the Hall of Fame.
Fact 71: The person who I feel the worst for in the Rick Pitino extortion case is Vinnie Tatum, the poor guy who had to lie down and listen to "what sounded like consensual sex" in the restaurant. Have you seen Rick Pitino? Have you seen Karen Sypher, the woman charged with trying to get money from the Louisville basketball coach? It'd be like watching Sesame Street's Big Bird and the Count go at it on late-night Cinemax.
Fact 72: I would imagine that Rick Pitino's bedroom exploits mirror that of his NBA coaching venture with the Boston Celtics: short, inexperienced and full of disappointment for all those involved.
Fact 8: How much would you pay to see Oregon running back LeGarrette Blount and Oakland Raiders head coach Tom Cable duel in a cage match? Bidding will start at $6 billion, or enough to buy a meat-lovers pie at a Cowboys game.
Fact 85: Chad Ochocinco needs Spanish counting lessons.
Fact 2: The "Most Ridiculous Story" Award goes to Tiger Woods and his alleged flatulence on the 18th fairway at the Buick Open. I reported on this during my summer internship, an experience that included calling the PGA to get an official statement about how Woods did not pass gas. I can't believe I used the phrase "Tiger flatulence" in print.
Fact 65: Vaseline should not be ingested orally, no matter how good of a home remedy it may be. That is what Halls is for. I'm talking to you, Stephon Marbury.
Fact 30: Regarding Brett Favre, enough is enough. What is it going to take to get him out of the league and off the front page headlines? Talk about beating a dead horse, or in this case an almost-dead, glory-seeking Wrangler spokesman.
Fact 1: Alex Rodriguez sees six pitches and makes $100,000. Roethlisberger makes the same amount in 3.6 snaps. I make $6.50 per hour scrubbing the French-Fry-A-Max 3000 and taking orders for a No. 6 with a Large Coke. Where'd I go wrong? Oh right, forgot to take my HGH and alienate my co-workers.
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Alex Prewitt is a sophomore who has not yet declared a major. He can be reached at Alexander.Prewitt@tufts.edu
