We've all been there. A bunch of your friends are hanging out and suddenly you or someone else brings up something relating to "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" (1971) or "Terminator 2: Judgment Day" (1991). Everyone laughs or nods in agreement except for one guy. After a few awkward moments, he breaks the silence by saying, "I've never seen that."
What follows are a plethora of emotions. There's disbelief that he could have gone through his life without seeing it. It's a pity for whatever semblance of happiness he has known in a world where his parents and friends denied him of the genius of, for example, Mel Brooks. Even a little bit of disgust for associating with someone who has never seen one of the quintessential films of pop culture. And not only have we all been there; we've all also been that guy.
Admittedly, some crimes are greater, or at least more understandable, than others. For example, if your parents, relatives and sitters were not fond of "The Sound of Music" (1965), and you managed to escape it by the age of 10, there was a very small chance of you getting a hankering to watch it later in life. And, of course, I'm always willing to forgive a Jew for being ignorant of the wonder that is "A Christmas Story" (1983). Then there are films like "The Godfather" (1972) that, because of content and/or length, may isolate some people.
Of course, there are the unforgiveable offenses like never having seen "Airplane!" (1980) or an Alfred Hitchcock film or the big mama of them all: "Star Wars." When you meet someone who hasn't seen one of those, they have one of two reactions. The first one is, naturally, shame and regret. In a mere moment, a lifetime of jokes and references they were unable to catch, of Ewoks and fat people saying "Mekka woola Solo!" in a deep voice, flood into their heads. And they wistfully reflect, like a reverse George Bailey, on a life that could have been, if only their parents or friends had actually loved them enough to show them these movies.
The second reaction, however, is far more interesting: pride. I believe that pride over not having seen a movie may be one of the strongest forms of that deadly sin. I myself boast that I have never seen "E.T." (1982). But why is that? Am I joyfully taking part in some kind of elitism, the select few kids born after 1980 who were able to escape childhood with no particular sentimental attachment to Reese's Pieces? Or is it merely the exquisite pleasure in watching others cringe as they try to imagine such a bleak existence where one has never cried over a puppet?
Yet, you can only really have one. Not having seen "E.T." gives me a little bit of eccentricity and uniqueness. Were I to throw everything from Disney to John Hughes into that mix, I would go from maverick rogue rebelling against the oppression of cinematic homogeny, to merely being an uncultured simpleton.
I end the column with this advice. Try your hardest and think through a list of all those "must-see" movies that you just never saw. Keep that list. Whenever another one comes up, jot it down. Though do keep it selective. Humphrey Bogart's "Treasure of the "Sierra Madre" (1948) is brilliant, but it's no "Casablanca" (1942). Next time your friends are trying to pick out a movie (which for me has always been an ordeal), pull out the list. You'd be surprised how quickly a "Hell no, we're not watching 'The Wizard of Oz!' (1939)" will change once you announce that you cannot tell a Tin Man from a Scarecrow.
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Devin Toohey is a senior majoring in classics. He can be reached at Devin.Toohey@tufts.edu.
