I met my idol this Sunday at Caesars Atlantic City. I have been following this man's career for the better part of a decade. I've read all of his books multiple times. I watch all of his shows. I love his snarky, sarcastic, I-don't-give-a-damn attitude. My idol is Anthony Bourdain, aka Tony — we're on a first-name basis.
I love Tony because he is everything I'm not — he's gutsy, he takes risks, he's unapologetic, he always says what's on his mind, and because he has my dream-job: traveling the world, eating exotic dishes, and writing about it. Basically, he's the epitome of cool.
My mother can't stand him; she thinks he's the epitome of sleaze. Against her will, my mom also met Tony on Sunday. I was fully confident, however, that in-person Tony's raw humor would win her over. He succeeded. I knew Tony had cracked her when he talked about how much he is influenced by his mother — nice touch, Tony.
Tony was at Caesars to do a cooking demonstration as part of the casino's Celebrity Chef Cooking Series. Now, let's pause for a moment. Tony … cooking? As much as I admire the guy, I don't think of him as a chef anymore – he's more of a supreme foodie travel guide nowadays. Tony, who looked visibly nervous as he lumbered onto the stage in his cowboy boots, jeans and chef's jacket, jokingly said that he's "cooked about two times since 2002" and he hopes that everything goes well.
With the help of Carlos Llaguno, the executive corporate chef at Bourdain's New York bistro Les Halles, Tony successfully prepared two classic French dishes: scallops with a white wine reduction and duck à l'orange. Carlos was even more nervous than Tony; he was running around, double-checking everything Tony was doing and making sure he didn't screw up. The two eventually found a good rhythm, and the dishes looked and smelled fantastic.
Tony talked about everything from visiting France as a child to why he can't stand Sandra Lee and Rachael Ray (I told you Tony is awesome). I can't possibly recount all of Tony's great nuggets of wisdom, so, in no particular order, here are my top ten Bourdainisms from Sunday:
The Bobby Flay Strategy. Les Halles, like most restaurants owned by celebrity chefs, is run on the Bobby Flay Strategy. The celebrity chef's name is attached to the restaurant, it's their menu, but they rarely set foot on the premises. Tony said that Carlos is trained to say, "Sorry, you just missed him" if patrons inquire about his whereabouts. This was probably true around 2005.
"Onions are the pork of the vegetable world." Like most professional chefs, Tony is obsessed with pork, so that's a serious compliment to the humble onion.
"The more expensive your meal is, the more hands have touched it." There are restaurants out there that serve 75 people that probably have about 40 chefs and cooks, each with a very specialized function. The more chefs that are involved with creating a dish, the more it will cost. Tony also mused about the likelihood that all 40 of them wash their hands after doing their business. I don't want to think about it.
Never get a massage in Uzbekistan. I'll have to take his word on this.
"Fast food should be about fresh food." Tony often eats at little roadside stands on his show "No Reservations" and the food looks incredible. It is prepared within minutes, all the ingredients are fresh, and a lot of them are good for you. According to Tony, American fast food is too diluted by "kings and clowns" and does not represent what quick cooking is about to the rest of the world.
"Your food doesn't taste good because it doesn't have shallots and a sh-t load of butter." Tony talked a lot about what makes restaurant food taste so much better than home-cooked meals. He said one of the less-obvious reasons is that home cooks don't use shallots, and they don't put gobs of butter into all of their sauces, if they even make sauces. When we left the casino, my mother informed me that she always uses shallots, so Tony would be proud of her. Talk about a quick attitude adjustment.
Listen to the Ramones and the Stooges. Tony cited these two bands as the best to get you through a grueling dinner service. Carlos agreed.
"The difference between an amateur and a professional is someone who can do this really, really stoned." Tony said this while chopping porcini mushrooms at lightening-fast speed; even though he rarely cooks in his restaurants, he still has great knife skills. Again, I'll have to take his word on this.
"Mario Batali is like my walking Buddha." Tony praised chefs like Julia Child, Mario Batali and Emeril Lagasse; they are innovators who have changed the way the world thinks about food, thus earning their celebrity status in Tony's eyes. This is also exactly how I feel about Tony himself.
"The best food is about a small amount of simple things cooked really, really well." Amen. This basically sums up Tony's ideas about food and life — there's no need for excessive BS.
When I drove home, a Ramones song came on the radio. It was a great day, even for my mom.
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Caryn Horowitz is a junior majoring in history. She can be reached at Caryn.Horowitz@tufts.edu
