Kevin Lawson is a senior majoring in political science. He can be reached at [email protected]

Lie that started Trump’s political career ends; political career somehow still ongoing

*Deep voice* Sept. 23, 2016. From Comedy Central’s College Avenue’s World News Headquarters in New York shambles, this is the Tufts Daily Show with Kevin Lawson. *Non-copyright-infringing knockoff intro music plays as the camera pans to me, capturing a split second of me picking my nose.* Hello, everyone, and welcome to the second first edition of the […]

Congressmen set personal tetris records, do nothing about guns

The New York Times addressed America’s gun epidemic this week in an editorial posted on the front page of the paper [ahem…front page…cough, cough managing board]. The paper called our country’s gun laws “a moral outrage and national disgrace.” But New Jersey Governor and man whose last name is the female version of his first name Chris Christie […]

Trump feels terrorism in his gut; turns out to be gas

Four days after the Paris attacks, Donald Trump explained to a crowd in Tennessee that he has an uncanny ability to see terrorism coming. He pointed to the fact that in his 2000 book, he described Osama Bin Laden as a “shadowy figure.” His unique ability to identify villains is the reason no one likes to go to […]

‘If you’re gonna wage a war, it’s way more fun to do it on drugs’

In America today, almost one percent of people are imprisoned. Look around you in your next lecture. Don’t see anyone behind bars? Then it’s you. You’re in jail. What did you do? I bet you pirated TV shows, you sick bastard. With five percent of the world’s population, the U.S. has almost 25 percent of […]

College Campuses Offer Free Speech!*

*With Purchase of Three Full-Price Speeches. Terms and restrictions apply. Breaking News: A group of students has been offended. Allegedly, they were stereotyped by an individual, prompting them to alert campus authorities. Speaking on the situation, TUPD officer Guy Hoosreal said, “I wasn’t surprised that the suspect was wearing a Patagonia fleece monogrammed with Greek […]

Biden Still Mulling Over Whether to Enter Benghazi Hearings

Last week, Congress held its 21st hearing on the Benghazi affair. Four more and they get a free hearing! With Thanksgiving coming up, it was nice to see members of the House spend 11 hours on a Thursday yelling at each other. But some questions totally ensnared Hillary: “Would you not not say that you are […]

Aliens vs. Predators

The Predator drone looks pretty janky. Like a B+ science project. Like Air Force Chief of Staff General Mark Welsh’s kid was like, “Daddy, I made this!” And Welsh was like, “Oh my God, not this shit again. GOOD JOB, buddy! This one’s going up on the global war on terror!” Top speed? An embarrassing […]

Conservatives: Boehner too soft

Right wing: JOHN BOEHNER IS BAD! Democrats: Yeah, cool, I think we’re on the same page on this one. Right wing: DOWN WITH BOEHNER! Democrats: Yeah! Down with him! Right wing: A REAL REPUBLICAN INSTEAD! Democrats: Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Nevermind. We take it back. Boehner is fine. Guys? Right wing: TOO LATE! GOVERNMENT MUST […]

Syrians stuck between Iraq and a hard place

Syria is embroiled in a tragic sequence of halves: half of its war casualties have been civilian; half of its population is displaced; half of its refugees are children. Millions of Syrians have jumped to bordering countries, overloading Turkey and Lebanon, while others look to start anew in the western world. Four million refugees have […]

A clockwork random

What’s a worse use of the word “random”? A girl, upon realizing she has the same name as the barista, saying, “OMG that is so random,” or a TSA agent motioning to a brown guy and saying, “You’ve been randomly selected”? The question matters in light of the recent Ahmed clock incident and the strained […]