Henry Jani

Henry Jani is a sophomore majoring in English. He can be reached at [email protected]

Moosings on Meat

Dear veg heads, This time of year seems to be hard for us (for the record, I’m a pescetarian, but similar realms). The colder it gets, the more likely people seem to give into their carnivorous cravings. Walking into the dining hall today, I was greeted with a smorgasbord of beef and chicken, with steamed […]

Punt Your Way to the Top

Dear Super Bowl viewers, The biggest day for sports enthusiasts in America is soon upon us. Beer. Wings. Yelling. Butt slapping. Nothing brings the nation together better than this annual event of pure hedonism and steadfast rivalry. Except for people who have no idea what the hell is ever going on during football. The game […]

Fast but mostly furious

Dear drivers, After not riding inside of or driving a vehicle for three months at college, getting behind the wheel in good ol’ Avon, Ohio over break was quite the treat. And by treat, I mean those weird strawberry candies that everybody’s grandma has but no one dares to eat. Because this treat was SCARY […]

That tingle when ya mingle

Dear party-goers, Mingling, social anxiety, speaking big-kid words, orienting your abnormal and lanky limbs, oh my! Parties are a hotspot where everyone is trying to bask in the limelight. Social climbing via get-togethers and other gatherings is certainly a specialized art. The following advice could be incredibly inaccurate, considering that my social skills can be characterized […]

LOL at your palooza

Dear concert-goers, You get your freak on, boys and girls. In light of Tufts’s annual Cage Rage blowout, I’ve been thinking about the concerts I’ve attended in my days. I think I’m pretty familiar with that weird sweat/peculiar scent status that can be found at every musical performance. But from grandiose arena shows to sketchy […]

Put some Windex on it

Dear Clean Freaks, Don’t worry, I’m not here to criticize your “irrational” obsession with sanitation. I swore that I would never become one of you after living with my mother — who vacuums the walls of our house just for fun — for 18 years. But upon arriving at college and suddenly being confined to […]

To the left

Dear Tinder users, Swipety swipe, I hear you. First of all, I have to come clean and admit that I do not actually have a Tinder account. I would like to say it is because of my strong morals, will to resist joining the bandwagon and value of real human interactions. But in reality, it […]

Grande problems

Dear Keurig coffee brewer, Hey babe. I’d like to remind you that you are simply the best. Your love is my drug, as the young muse Ke$ha once quipped. I also now think of K-cups as a legitimate currency. But only the good K-cups, none of that Costco Kirkland brand crap. In short, your existence […]

Check it out

Dear library-goers, I know your struggle. Hours in depressing little cubicles; debating the risk of leaving your laptop to pee due to that third cup of coffee; possibly being squished to death in the moving bookshelves. Everyone can relate. But there are some habits I’ve noticed in the library to be a bit more quirky. […]

You’re the Charlie to my card

Dear T riders, Hey you. I get it. It was a long day at work, and you want to get home to that great home-cooked meal, or maybe even a “Beef Chow Fun” Lean Cuisine (that actually exists apparently). But let’s be reasonable and recognize that the train only moves so fast, and nothing you […]