Cheeses of Suburbia: Born for sticks

Zachary Hertz (ZH): Given recent political events, we’ve chosen Paramore’s “RIOT!” (2007) this week, starring Evgeni Dobranov, a serial tennis player with a mild interest in computer science whose love for “Misery Business” constantly prevents other people from using the shower. We have Pizza Days sticks, which surprisingly arrived on time! Sadly, Pizza Days is another misery business because I haven’t seen anything as tragic as these sticks. 3/10 from me.

Brady Shea (BS): I’m immediately disappointed. They’re so soggy! The most 4/10 mozzarella sticks I’ve ever eaten. The breading is so sad, Alexa should play “Despacito 3.”

Evgeni Dobranov (ED): It’s like they’ve accidentally breaded a cheese stick, but in the bad way. It’s a solid 4.5/10 — honestly, I could make it better if I fried cheese, and the only thing I can cook is cereal. It’s no surprise that Pizza Days isn’t known for anything except their socks. Brady, are you a mozzarella connoisseur?

BS: Not yet, but the more I do this column, the more I experience different breeds of mozzarella stick. As for the album — I love Paramore. They have a frontwoman, which is rare for punk and music in general. Hayley Williams was only 19 when this album came out, and her voice is unreal. Fun fact — Paramore is super religious, but chill. They could technically be considered Christian Rock, and though they don’t focus on it in their music, you can catch glimpses of it in some songs, like “Hallelujah.”

ZH: Evgeni, “Misery Business” is next. Got any professional thoughts?

ED: It’s a real head-banger that fits on both a shower and road trip playlist. It’s the Roger Federer of punk rock, so to speak.

ZH: When I think pop punk, I think angsty, but this song subverts that expectation while keeping the classic pop punk sound — the narrator got her guy and is rubbing it in your face.

BS: Yeah, you have emotional and hype pop punk but Paramore hits both in “Misery Business” as well as “RIOT!” My favorite is “Let The Flames Begin” — it screams “try to take us down” and has a follow-up on their self-titled album. After two members left the group, the sequel is more “try to take me down — even though people left, the spirit of the band is here.”

ED: I feel bad relating the sticks to these songs, because effort was put into these, unlike the sticks. They’re quite displeasing.

BS: “Born For This” is an anthem that’s more of a chant than a song at the post-chorus. This is Paramore saying they know they’ll make it big with this album. Overall, “RIOT!” is a 7/10 from me; even though it’s a favorite, Paramore matured with time.

ED: I’d give it a 7/10; I prefer their older works — I grew up listening to these albums and it’s very invigorating music, but the acoustic “Misery Business” is weird.

ZH: I’ll give it a 7.5/10; Hayley Williams is my goddess, a real “Miracle” and my crushcrushcrush.


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