'Fuller House,' thinner plot: Netflix's 'Full House' spinoff disappoints

When the familiar refrain about the milkman and the paperboy sounds during the opening moments of Netflix's "Fuller House," true fans of "Full House" (1987-1995) will immediately find themselves transported back to watching ABC Family, now (unfortunately) known at Freeform, during their elementary school days. You can almost feel the synthetic puff cheese on your fingers as one of the most iconic and beloved '90s families drives across the Golden Gate Bridge. Oh, old-school "Full House" fans, this is certainly not your first rodeo. But then, the credits stop rolling, Bob Saget enters the frame and a communal, resounding sort of silence overtakes the viewing party. Yikes, Danny Tanner looks horrible. And then it’s mostly downhill from there.

"Fuller House," which premiered on Feb. 26, picks up 29 yearsafter the original series took off in 1987, in the same childhood home where we watched the Tanner sisters, DJ (Candace Cameron), Stephanie (Jodie Sweetin) and Michelle (Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen) grow up.One by one, the classic cast members enter the kitchen. Resounding first thoughts? Becky (Lori Loughlin) has not aged whatsoever. Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) is also still cute, DJ has blossomed into a total stunner, Stephanie has acquired a mysterious second-rate British accent,Joey Gladstone (Dave Coulier)is undoubtedly 1) single and 2) recycling the same Bullwinkle jokes as he used carelessly 29 years ago and there is a tiny Michelle Tanner-sized void because the Olsen twins declined to join the spinoff.  Kimmy Gibbler (Andrea Barber) is also back, and ostensibly still has not found anywhere she would rather hang out then at the Tanner household, where literally every adult hated her and insulted her to her face during her childhood. She also has a swarthy ex-lover, a child and a successful (?) party planning business. Not the most promising start. But will devoted fans still feel up for powering through the lame intro? You got it, dude.

Of all the comebacks, one of the most jarring might have been Steve’s (Scott Weinger), DJ’s cute former high school fling who is now a salt-and-pepper podiatrist. At least he still vacuums up the contents of the fridge, because otherwise, every semblance of his former teen-self would have been shot. Then, there are the Katsopolis twins, Nicky and Alex (Blake and Dylan Tuomy-Wilhoit, respectively). They have aged which, while entirely normal biologically, felt so unnatural to watch the effects of. They are now adult surfers in their sixth year of college. And while it isn’t fair to expect them to have been cryogenically frozen at four-years-old in preparing for this reunion, maybe they should’ve been?

Besides the jarring physical transformations of the original cast, viewers soon find out that the Tanner family members have all been relatively successful, and that everyone will be leaving DJ, who is a single mother of three and a veterinarian, to her own devices in the aforementioned childhood home while they all leave San Francisco to pursue their various dreams.Of DJ’s three children, one is Danny's little protégée who, like his grandfather, has an intense cleaning compulsion. The other is presumably going to be the sass-master of the show, who already hasbeef with Kimmy's daughter Ramona (Soni Bringas). Budding love affair? Keep your eyes on that, folks. The last child is basically too young to have any sort of personality, but he has a baby monitor, so look out for gossip to be spilled via this glorified infant walkie-talkie. Basically, this generation of the Tanner family seems nearly identical to the last, but less cool. They did, however, all participate in a choreographed dance routine to New Kids On The Block, really pulling at the pre-Y2K heartstrings.

Anyway, this is "Full House," where kitschy familial love will always prevail, so everyone is going to pitch in to help DJ, who is overwhelmed by the death of her husband and the prospect of balancing single motherhood with a full time job. The family soon opts to put their plans on hold and remain in San Francisco in order to support DJ — the Tanner clan isn't going anywhere. On a whole, "Fuller House" is what one would expect: it is cheesy, it is predictable and it is not as good as the original. But what did you expect? Not only is the audience no longer 10-years-old, but there is only a limited amount of material the writers can really work with. They sought to stay true to the roots of the show and to bring the same amalgamation of dad jokes and lessons in morality into the modern TV scene, and they succeeded. This definitely isn’t going to be a hit, or nearly as good as the original for that matter, but it indubitably brings back the playground days in the best way and is a strong option to have rolling in the background while you fold your laundry and can’t follow "The West Wing" (1999-2006) closely enough.

"Fuller House" ultimately accomplished what it set out to do, providing fans of the original series with a much-needed '90s fix in 2016. As for the "Fuller House" haters? Stop ragging on the Tanners! In the words of Joey, “Cut. It. Out!”