Rebecca: This week’s edition of NYSD was supposed to be our dad edition, but instead we will be having my mom (again) and Pooja’s dad edition. Rooting for the Mets for over 50 years has caused my dad to cherish the little things (he does not see NYSD as one of those things) and to feel comfortable watching others at the World Series. In terms of this metaphor, our column is the big game, and my mom is the Yankees. So without further ado, I will reintroduce you to my lovely mother and her wise anecdotes.
Pooja: Papa Sivaraman was jealous of all the attention MamaSiv got with last week’s column and wanted to prove he was funnier than she. So, here are his responses to some of your wildest queries!
How does it feel to star in our column twice?
MamaSol: I feel honored that you and Pooja value my opinion. Honored and valued. I hope that I am giving correct answers…
How do you feel about online dating?
MamaSol: You might get Jack the Ripper; people lie. What they say might not be true; they could show you a picture of a strapping man or woman, but they could be a troll at the door. You do know trolls eat people. You have to be cautious; there could be wackjobs who will kill you. It should be a last resort, a sign of desperation.
What do you think attracts men most?
MamaSol: It’s usually the good looks first and a good body. Then, after that, they get beyond their stupidity, they realize you have a mind and a body. They look at the observable characteristics.
How do I get a girl to notice me who I have not spoken to before?
PapaSiv: I charm her with my personality. I am an extrovert with sharp, penetrating eyes and a natural ability to attract a crowd to me. Every girl in a crowd notices me and wonders: wow, who is this man?
What would you advise your daughter to look for in a future husband?
PapaSiv: Someone who kisses the ground you walk on. A domesticated husband who will prepare breakfast for you, have different cuisines for dinner when you are back from work, press your legs, iron your clothes, carry your bag when you are shopping and always look at you with wondrous eyes.
At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?
PapaSiv: Both — I don’t like sharing anything with anyone, not even an armrest.
What is your advice for running into someone you used to date?
PapaSiv: Give a flying kiss, a quick hug or a peck on the cheek and watch with amusement how he/she goes weak on their knees, fumbles for words and is dumbstruck.
Can a senior girl date a freshman boy?
PapaSiv: Absolutely, there is a different fun in catching them naive and immature. They look up to you as if you are a goddess.
What would you say if your daughter rejected a Harvard man?
PapaSiv: I would ask her to go to all the possible exotic places in the world and have fun. Harvard men are so bloody boring, pompous, arrogant and not worth spending a minute with. Life has lots more to offer.
That’s all for this semester; stay tuned for NYSD in 2016!