The mom edition

Pooja: Rebecca and I consistently say that in 10 years, we will become our mothers. Since moms are the best advice givers, we decided to outsource our column this week to Mama Siv and Mama Solo! From my side, you will be getting top notch advice from a bubbly Bombay-ite who talks to plants and thinks the best way to get a six pack is to touch your toes every morning.

Rebecca: From my side, an honest-to-a-fault Brooklynite who, when cooking for vegetarians “adds meat for flavor” and believes Clorox can solve anything, will be answering your questions.  

Can you be in love with three people at the same time?

Pooja’s Mom: Of course, you have to be. You need one real love, one to show off to your friends and the third to give you comfort (Duh).

Is it okay for a senior girl to hook up with a freshman guy? (URGENT)

Pooja’s Mom: Of course it is! Age is just a number; it doesn’t mean anything. Plus, there are nymphos everywhere, so what can you do?

How can I tell if a man is untrustworthy?

Pooja’s Mom: You know what they say, never trust a man with cat eyes. All men who have green eyes, even blue eyes -- you can’t trust them.

I can’t tell if my girlfriend is pregnant or just fat.

Pooja’s Mom: That’s such a weird question to ask. Actually someone asked me how many months pregnant I was once, but really I was actually just fat. I say don’t make the mistake of asking.

The guy I like likes another girl, what should I do?

Pooja’s Mom: Kill her. Actually, no, you can’t do that -- obviously not. You should bonk her on the head. It’s not bad what I said, right?

Where can I find a good man?

Rebecca’s Mom: My Uncle Dino once told me the only good man is in the cemetery, then handed me a shovel. I guess the library. They’re usually studying and they’re smart and they’re not in the bar. You know mommy likes school. You’re not going to find a man in a nightclub; he’d be a lowlife. Daddy found me in the library. The library.

I'm in love with my econ professor, it’s bad and I know it, advice?

Rebecca’s Mom: How old is the econ professor? What’s the average age of a professor? If it’s a twenty-year age gap, it’s like dating your father, but my parents had a ten-year gap. It all depends on how old the professor is. They’d just go out. They’re not going to get married. Also, he might not be interested in you.  

Rebecca: I thought of this one: Which of us triplets is your favorite?

Rebecca’s Mom: That’s what you ask your mother? A mother is not supposed to have favorites. You’re my only daughter, Bec. You’re my favorite daughter. You’re all treated the same. It’s just that I expect you to help with housework once in a while, but you don’t even do that! You should do more domestic chores. I get more domestic work out of Joey.

Rebecca: So now that I know what my mom really thinks of me, we can wrap this column up!

Send us questions to TUFTSNYSD@gmail.com! Next week our dads will solve your problems!