Is Kesha a SWUG? How do SWUGs celebrate Spring Fling?
Dear SWUG Fling,
Kesha is probably the OG SWUG. She’ll disappear for like weeks at a time and have everyone wondering, “Whatever happened to Ke$ha?” and then she’ll just randomly pop onto the radio with a massive hit like “Timber,” (2012) then she’ll drop her iconic $ and disappear again to who knows where, until she decides to do the college spring fling circuit. That is pretty much the exact story of my senior year. We’re like twins, Kesha!
Also, just FYI, I’ve decided to go by $WUG now since I bought the $ at a garage sale in Medford and they said no returns.
Kesha is who she is, and tells us to be who we R…and we R SWUGS. She literally wrote us our own anthem, called “Your SWUG is my drug.” She just gets us! And while most Tufts students do not have Jesus on their necklaces (we more commonly own stars of David), we are known for making the hipsters fall in love. On Fling, we will party like our star, Kesha, cause we “Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer” (don’t worry Su, not from a frat). And just like Kesha, we also “Ain’t got no money in [our] pocket[s], but [we’re] already here,” because luckily, our fling tickets are freeeee!! And we are poor. Suck it, grad students and alums!
Kesha even wrote a song about coming to visit Tufts, when she sang, “There’s a place downtown, where the freaks all come around.” See?! She came to downtown Somerville to see us freaks! She appreciates our ‘Tuftsy’ quirkiness! She’s also a huge fan of Guster, so like, she really gets us Tufts SWUGs.
Alright, TiK ToK on the clock, SWitches. It’s time to turn up for Tufts’ best party of the year. It’s time for Kesha. Our Khalessi, our mother of SWUGS. Wondering how to celebrate like a $WUG? Here are some tips:
Wake up on fling morning feelin’ like P Diddy. In SWUG language, this means getting ample rest on Friday night, and waking up refreshed and ready to “Blow” (2012) in the morning.
Please don’t brush your teeth with a bottle of Jack, because that seems nauseating at 7:oo a.m. So use some regular toothpaste, and chase it with a bottle of a boy named Andre. He’s yummier.
The ghosts of SWUGs past will be returning to campus for this muddy, glittery, jam sesh. Show them just how much fun you’re having by showering them in glitter and making them feel shitty about their 9-5 job. Then get really sad that in T-minus a month, we will be them. Go cry in a port-a-potty, and tweet at Kesha for advice. Try not to get TEMS’ed.
That person who you had a crush on who came back for Fling three years after graduating? They’re still coming back to Fling three years after graduating …
BYO fanny packs, stuffed to the brim with nips, snacks and glitter, and we can make a [day] you won’t remember. But make sure to bring your selfie stick, so at least your phone will remember.
Make sure to hit every darty on campus, and laugh at every punny “This place about to ‘Bo” fling t-shirt.
Remember to wear sunscreen and sunglasses. Clouds don’t block da sun. They just pretend to.
Get a first-year to swipe you into Dewick before or after the concert to refuel. A large breakfast is encouraged. There is free pizza on the presidents lawn. Swipe a box or two, if you can.
Alright, $WUGs, let’s make the most of the [day], cause we’re going to graduate soon.
BRB crying on the ArcTrainer (it’s a workout, but for your eyes!)