My dearest Tufts students (and Nana),

I am SWUGging out over here!!! Apparently there are only five weeks left of school, meaning that for one-quarter of the Tufts population, there are only five weeks left of college. BRB while I go curl up with my body pillow and cry to the sweet sound of Joni Mitchell à la “River” (1970).

“I wish I had a river so long / I would teach my feet to fly / Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on / I made my baby cry.”

OK, I’m back. And I brought with me a brand new attitude and a fair amount of Trader Joe’s wine. Five weeks is enough time to cross everything off of my SWUG-et list before Graduation night. Who’s with me?! Joni??

  1. Graduate with a job
  2. Confess your love to your first-year crush
  3. Paint the cannon
  4. Ride Jumbo (when/if he comes back)
  5. Trick Turn one last time
  6. Meet Helen
  7. Have a sleepover in Tisch
  8. Host a murder mystery theme party
  9. Run the (Netflix) marathon
  10. Have a drunk Dewick meal
  11. Eat in the meeting room in Dewick
  12. Combine #10 and #11
  13. Eat a five-course meal at the pub
  14. Make out with Froggy
  15. Go on a run with barefoot lady
  16. Collect cans with the can couple
  17. Drive the Joey
  18. Scream back at the creepy late night study voice
  19. Play Pac-Man in the stacks
  20. Complete a paper more than a day in advance
  21. Sober Moe’s
  22. Make your own coffee at the Rez
  23. Go on stage at an SOC show
  24. Take a selfie with Prez Monaco
  25. Get on stage with Scatter Shot
  26. Sext your TA
  27. Go to the Crafts House
  28. Get a free coffee at the Tower with your professor
  29. Steal a composite off of a frat wall
  30. Wear a Snuggie to class
  31. Have a picnic on the floor in Dewick (BYO blanket and basket)
  32. Get drunk with the Rabbi
  33. Pay your parking tickets
  34. Eat dinner at Monaco’s house
  35. Turn the Joey into a party bus
  36. Skinny dip in the pool
  37. Hookup with a campus cutie
  38. Go to the Loj
  39. Eat a full Hodgdon cake, by yourself
  40. The stacks….
  41. Wear sunglasses through an entire class
  42. Drop a cup down the stairs at Dewick
  43. Go on a tour and ask ridiculous questions
  44. Fit into all of your first-year fall clothing
  45. Give the “captain my captain” speech in your last class ever
  46. Do your own Naked Quad Run
  47. Jump into a Quidditch match, bludger on
  48. BYO whistle to a hockey practice and recreate the scene from “Miracle” (2004)
  49. Beer mile on the track
  50. Touch the shoes of the Fling performer (Sean Paul!?!?!?)

We’ve got five weeks, SWUGs. Are you ready for this?!

Tweet your SWUG-et listicals to @A_SWUGs_Life.