Nikki Blank Nicholas Pfosi / The Tufts Daily

Dear SWUG,

I had a little too much fun at Call on Me. I drank too much, got a little too down and dirty on the dance floor and got to know some brothers a little too well. How do I show my face on campus again?

Bawl on Me

Dear Bawl on Me,

Oh boy. I remember my first Call on Me.

News flash, you’re not the only person on Tufts’ campus that went a little too hard for one of the biggest nights of the year. I bet you could start a support group or a university-recognized club with the amount of people who got a little too frisky on Saturday night. Post a Yik Yak about how ridiculous your night was, and watch the anonymous comments roll in on your phone. It’s all about that Yakarma, ya dig?

You’ve got two options when it comes to reputation control after a BIG night out.

Option 1: You can do major damage control, Olivia Pope style. Delete all of the snaps, Facebook pictures and gibberish tweets from the night. Apologize to the people who saw you. Send flowers to 123, with a vague apology note. Wear a hiding hat for the next two weeks. Call in a favor to the White House.

Option 2: Own up to your behavior, and just let Call on Me be. Every Tufts student has had a night like this, and most of them have decided to show their faces on campus again. At least you didn’t get TEMS’d. Make your profile picture a candid shot of you looking great in a leotard, and rack up the likes. Text all the new numbers in your phone about how much fun you had with them, even though you have no idea whose number you are texting. Tweet about how much fun you had at a Tufts party, cause that don’t happen often. Basically, stop being such a skittish SWUG, and just get on with your life.

Call on SWUG!

XOXO,

SWUG

Dear SWUG,

I accidentally binged watched the entire third season of “House of Cards”(2013-present) and forgot to do any homework. How do I explain to my professors that I didn’t write any papers or do any of my assignments this weekend?

House of C’s

Dear House of C’s,

Well, first off, congrats! I am very proud of you for committing yourself to such a worthwhile endeavor. Warning: please do not speak to me until I finish the last three episodes … I will pinch you if you ruin this for me.

In the words of Francis Underwood: “There’s no better way to overpower a trickle of doubt than with a flood of naked truth.” The best thing to do in this situation is to just be as honest as possible with your professors, while also being as vague as possible.

You had a prior commitment on your calendar for the past year. You tried very hard to find someone to cover for you, but you could not find a replacement to help you out on this. Unfortunately, the assignments came second to the prior commitment and you never back out of an obligation. Your word is your word. You had great success in the prior commitment — however, you were unable to complete any assignments on top of this prior commitment. It was a marathon, not a race, ya know? You would have stayed up all night to get it done, since you’ve “always loathed the necessity of sleep. Like death. It puts even the most powerful men on their backs” (Francis Underwood). But it was a very tough weekend, and you needed to sleep it off. You sustained an strained eye injury whilst completing your prior commitment, and you need an even longer extension than originally planned. Thank your professors for being so understanding during such a busy time. Obviously this will never happen again, until February of next year, and every Sunday once “Game of Thrones”(2011 – present) starts back up again.

XOXO,

SWUG


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