It’s that time of year again. Time to pretend to still like dressing up in costumes and sneaking hand fulls of “bite-size” candies while you drink yourself into a healthy stupor: the best way to spend a weekend. And while Halloween is actually pretty fun, it’s easy to find yourself in some pretty unflattering and/or bizarre scenarios. To prevent such shame and humiliation, the Daily Arts department offers you a cautionary list of Halloween faux pas to avoid this year (or any year probably). Whether or not you’re staying in and cooling down or heading out and turning up, this list of mistakes should help you keep your wits about you.
10. Eating candy corn for real: Three candy corns deep and you’re feeling good. But the second that you pop in number four, your body will know and it’s all downhill from there.
9. Bobbing for apples: Everyone looks stupid every time they do it. Every. Single. Time.
8. Wearing a costume to office hours: It’s hard enough to negotiate a paper from an A- to an A. Your sexy cat ears and permanent marker whiskers won’t help you out.
7. Actually trying to trick-or-treat in Medford: Believe it or not, you’re an adult. You can’t trick-or-treat anymore, you just can’t. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.
6. Carving a pumpkin with a knife from Dewick: Six dull stabs and an amorphous pumpkin that was supposed to say “boo!” on it later, you’ll regret your decision. Also, you’ll be the only sober kid on Halloween getting TEMSed — which is absolutely worse than being black out.
5. Trying to prank your roommate: Trust us. You don’t wanna know what people will get up to after dark on All Hallows Eve. Some things you just can’t un-see.
4. Doing a partner costume with your flaky friend: Instead of a majestic volleyball, you’ll just look like a giant white wad of toilet paper when your friend with a beard drops out of being Tom Hanks. “WILSON!”
3. Trying to decorate your room with Pinterest Halloween decor: Strips of paper cut up in the shape of a cat are going to look horrible and weird no matter how many hours you spend on it.
2. Not studying for anything because of this made up holiday: Nothing’s more important than stuffing your face with Twizzlers and shots of Fireball. Not even Comp 40. And it’s cool because in ten years, I’m not going to wish I had a job — I’m going to wish that I got more drunk on Halloween!
1. Going to a Halloween frat party: It’s scary, but for all the wrong reasons. Steam heat. Crowded basements. Weird lighting. Horrible costumes. No food.