Dear Jack and Hannah,
I'm a freshman here and I've recently realized that I have a pretty huge crush on my RA. I've been trying to deny it for a while now, but I can't anymore. I guess it was fantasizing about getting written up by him that really drove it home for me. I haven't told anyone yet, and I don't plan on it, but it's tearing me up inside. What should I do? Sincerely, Heartsick in Houston Dear Heartsick,
RAs are lonely creatures by nature, so this shouldn't be too hard. A flirty text should be enough. But if your man is a bit harder to get, don't give up! All it takes is some hard work and slightly creepy persistence!
We're assuming, of course, that you've already memorized his rounds schedule. Always have this information on hand; it can be invaluable. Offer a foot massage at the end of the after?one o'clock round. If he doesn't want one, ask him for a massage. It's pretty tiring always staying 10 paces away, and your own tootsies probably need some tenderness. Use the time to talk about your "problems." Just keep making them up - he's effectively required to listen to you. But don't get too carried away here. You don't want him to think you're needy or anything. Good topics include course selection, housing advice and anonymous bias incidents.
Remember, you're a freshman, so you can play as ignorant as you choose. It might even stretch out the convo a bit. April is probably a bit too late to ask how trick?turning works, but campus legends should still get you some quality time. However, speaking of trick?turning, if he's sticking to his 80 meals for a meal plan, you can supplement his diet and sail straight into his heart. Warm quesadillas are proven aphrodisiacs, you know.
The best thing you can give, though, is love. You see all those flyers for different events covering your dorm's walls? He spends hours setting them all up and not a single person even reads them. Get super bonus points and actually attend one of the events and report back to him. Make sure he knows that it was only because of his papering skills that you even knew to go. It goes without saying that you attend all the RA?sponsored dorm events.
Compliment his abs the next time he exits the bathroom in a towel after a shower. If he blushes, you've got him. If not, he might just have really hard?to?read cheeks. Don't be disheartened. It's genetic.
Once you're pretty sure you've got him, write him a song. Serenade him from outside his bedroom. If there are other people around, that's OK. It shows how strong your love is. RAs dig that. If you can play a portable instrument, even better. Lutes are prime. Remember to dress up for your shining moment. It's spring, so stick a few flowers in your hair. Seasonality is sexy.
Now that you two are alone in his room (praise be to the Dorm God for singles), it's time to pull out the big guns. A private showing of "Wonderwall" (it's OK to bring both a lute and guitar for the song portion) is in order. Make sure that you look deeply into his eyes during your rendition. Caress his face. Tell him your secrets. June is a great time for weddings. Book now! Join us next week when Jack teaches you how to apply Neosporin to all those hard?to?reach places on your back!
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Jack Webster and Hannah Furgang are freshmen who have not yet declared majors. Jack can be reached at John.Webster@tufts.edu and Hannah can be reached at Hannah.Furgang@tufts.edu.
