Dear Rutgers University Programming Association,
So let us get this straight. You paid Snooki — Snooki of the big pouf, little brain and potentially radioactive skin — $32,000 to speak at your university last week? Like, to give a speech? Made of words? Good one.
We don't mean to come off as judgmental. We understand that Rutgers and the Jersey shore (not to be confused with "Jersey Shore") are separated by only a couple dozen exits on the Parkway, and we're sure the turnout for the event was pretty impressive. Besides, we heard she had some important things to say. For example, she talked about how the "Jersey Shore" cast members took really long showers to avoid being on camera. There's something to take away: good hygiene. Nicely done, Snook.
We're sure that's not all the audience gleaned from the, er, discussion. After all, the Princess of Poughkeepsie is iconic. She's the voice of a generation. Unlike Nobel Prize-winning novelist Toni Morrison, who's receiving a mere 30 grand to speak at your commencement ceremony this spring.
God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change.
Actually, in all seriousness, this was kind of a brilliant move. Maybe the press coverage you receive about this lapse of judgment (or sanity) will finally make the media forget Rutgers' (allegedly) false reputation for having the highest incidence of STDs of any American college campus. Oops, wait, we're the media, and we haven't forgotten. Sorry, Slutgers. And sorry for bringing it up again.
Good luck with that,
The Daily Arts Department
