After a pathetic ninth season, "American Idol" is back and more defensive than ever. Kicking off this year's first auditions episode with a dramatic montage about Simon Cowell's departure and the ongoing search for new judges, the show pledged to usher in "a new era of ‘American Idol'" as contestants begin to compete for "the most illustrious prize in music."
(Pause for comedic effect.)
Anyway, with the departures of Cowell (who left to produce a new American version of his British hit "The X Factor"), Ellen DeGeneres (it wasn't the "right fit" for her) and those other ladies (Kara DioGuardi left last year, and Paula Abdul left the year before), Randy Jackson remains the only former judge left standing (but, despite his weight loss, he still cannot stand for very long).
Joining him are actress and singer Jennifer Lopez and Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler. At the ripe ages of 41 and 62, respectively, Lopez and Tyler are far from has−beens. Jackson said about his new judges: "Wow, it's a different table. But you know what? It's hot." So hot, apparently, that Tyler's face seems to be melting off.
When asked at the start of the first day if she knew what to expect, Lopez bluntly said, "Kind of, since I've been watching the show for 10 years." This statement pretty much sums up the rest of the show. No matter what kind of novelty "Idol" tries to install, the formula is still the same. Season 10 does not mark a new era for the singing competition; the only significant difference is Cowell's absence, and even that doesn't matter very much.
Once the publicity nonsense settled down and the actual contestants hit their first nervous notes, viewers got a triple−whammy of wonderful singers. This was probably meant to legitimize "American Idol's" long−lost authenticity, but come on — I don't know anyone who watches these preliminary episodes to see the good people.
The show really gets started when the freaks roll in. Highlights included "Party in the U.S.A." by Yoji ‘Pop' Asano and … actually, just stop reading this article and go check it out on YouTube right now.
As for Lopez's and Tyler's skills as judges, they are actually not bad at all. Tyler seems to be a good judge of talent despite his obnoxiousness, and Lopez has a cute ongoing struggle with rejecting bad singers. That basically everyone sent to Hollywood can sing better than Lopez presents a bit of an elephant−in −the−room, but viewers should be able to forget about that without much trouble.
And somehow, this late in the review, I have yet to mention the mythical realm in which these first auditions take place: New Jersey. Shamelessly capitalizing on the "Jersey Shore" phenomenon, host Ryan Seacrest fist−pumps like an idiot with crowds of hopefuls. In a clever twist of events, however, the Snooki−wannabe on whom the episode focuses, and who initially appears to be comic relief, turns out to be an exceptional vocalist. Lopez even says, "Your voice is the star." It's a beautiful tribute to a beautiful stereotype.
The other, often short, features on various contestants hardly inspire any laughter, and, ironically, the sob stories are usually the funniest parts. But there's a good enough mix of talent and failure to keep viewers entertained for the entire two hours — if they can stomach the nearly 45 minutes of commercials littered throughout the program, of course.
Fans, all in all, won't be too disappointed with this tired old show, even if Simon isn't there to say mean things and be British anymore. Perhaps this year the tide will turn, and a gifted artist will emerge from the — ah, who am I kidding? Bad singers are hilarious. So is Steven Tyler's gender ambiguity. It's enough for me to stay tuned.
