I am dedicating this column to the downfall of the miniskirt. Cue the nostalgic sighs from boyfriends everywhere. As various fashion controversies have rocked the media with the cast of "Glee" posing seductively in Lolita-like outfits on the cover of GQ and Lady Gaga wearing nothing but meat to the VMAs, it's considerably ironic that the fashion industry has responded with such conservative trends.
Rather than dishing out more miniskirts and thereby maintaining a vestige of hope for a fashionista's sex life, they've taken a nun-like opposition to any hem falling above the ankle. With a metaphorical ruler to the knee, the fashion industry has enforced maxi-skirts and 1950s flare skirts throughout these past fall and summer seasons.
It's possible that we could all use a little extra modesty in our lives, especially after experiencing this past Halloweekend full of exposed flesh and stripper heels. But after grandpa sweaters, harem pants and boyfriend jeans, you would think they would give the modesty a break. After all, what was wrong with the body-con skirts of former seasons? Last year, the runways were packed with Herve Leger-style skirts sticking tightly to models' non-existent curves and showing off miles and miles of leg, and nobody threw a PTA-worthy tantrum or tried to legalize prostitution. And yet here we are, toward the end of 2010, facing ever-increasing conservatism in fashion.
Here are a few consequences I think everyone should be prepared to face if they decide to follow this pre-Betty Friedan trend.
1. Your boyfriend may start acting differently around you. For example, you might begin hearing phrases like "Honey, I'm home" or "Can you make me a sandwich, dear?" Be careful that this doesn't escalate to matching twin beds in the bedroom or giving your children awkward, pseudo-sexual nicknames like Beaver.
2. If you decide to try a floor-length maxi dress or skirt, you may get slightly confused looks from passers-by while on your way to class, as they wonder why a college student is wearing a prom dress made of jersey.
3. People may assume you're religious. After all, the only difference between Louis Vuitton's Fall 2010 skirts and those worn by the Puritans in the early 1600s is that LV's are made of buttery, absurdly expensive leather. If you are religious, then this may be a great look for you. If not, avoid confusion by only wearing these skirts on weekdays. Also, maxi skirts are literally nun skirts. Literally.
4. People will think you can cook better than you actually can. This will lead to heightened disappointment when you present them with a microwaved hot pocket or ramen noodles.
5. Your life may become oddly similar to the movie "Grease" (1978). Your boyfriend will dump you after Thanksgiving break, some girl with frizzy red hair will make fun of you for being a prude and you'll have to wear shiny black hot pants in order to rekindle your relationship. By the way, they sell hot pants at American Apparel, for future reference.
As for me, I currently own about four different items that emulate this trend and have already noticed an increase in the amount of time I spend cooking dinner for my boyfriend. Granted, this may be due to the fact that I am now a junior living in an off-campus apartment with a full kitchen, but one can never be too sure. And the second my boyfriend buys me a blender for my birthday, those skirts will be heading straight to Goodwill.
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Ashley Wood is a junior majoring in English. She can be reached at Ashley.Wood@tufts.edu.
