Top Ten | Feuds

In an effort to promote world peace (exercising our "active citizens" within) the Daily Arts Department has decided to call out the worst battles of all time. In the words of the band War, "Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?"

10. Carly Simon vs. Mick Jagger: You're so vain, you probably think this Top Ten is about you. Though it's not known for sure whether Mick Jagger (or one of a whole host of other egotistical fellas) is the target of Simon's hit song, the sheer musical power of this feud is undeniable.

9. Lobsters vs. Men: In the style of "Deadliest Catch," the Discovery Channel brings viewers "Lobstermen" this year, and it's a boatload of man drama if there ever was one. The only thing more epic than a fisherman battling a small crustacean is a fisherman battling a slightly larger crustacean.

8. Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump: They're both so ugly that they could only feud with each other because no one else would touch them. Plus, is it a feud if what each person says is true? Isn't that just good banter? Maybe they're secretly lovers ...

7. Tom vs. Jerry: Cats and mice might hate each other, but there's something fishy between Tom and Jerry. Why doesn't Tom just eat Jerry? Why doesn't Jerry just leave the house and go somewhere else? Another case of secret lovers?

6. Family Feud: What was always disturbing about this show is that it was supposed to be a feud, but the famlies were always so happy — even when they lost! There should be a new show where two families just take each other on in a massive physical battle, in the vein of "American Gladiator."

5. Nickelback vs. Your Ears: These "nu-metal" Canadian dirtbags are probably the worst aural assault your ears can encounter. Seriously, they're just awful. We wish they'd just stop what they're doing to rock and roll, give up, and go back to Canada.

4. Vader vs. Skywalker: So many hands were cut off in this battle between Sith father and Jedi son that they couldn't shake to make up if they wanted to. Vader may be Luke's father, but they'll never have a thumb war again.

3. Feudalism: Peasants and jousting and bubonic plague, oh my! We're not entirely sure what put the "feud" in "feudalism," but it was probably something to do with the landed gentry brutally repressing the serfs and exploiting them for larger annual tithes. Now that's just begging for a bloody revolution!

2. Montagues vs. Capulets: "What is in a name?" Well, if you're a Montague or a Capulet, just about everything. The Montagues versus the Capulets is undeniably the worst family feud in literary history, resulting in the tragic deaths of everyone's favorite star-crossed lovers, Romeo and Juliet.

1. The Feud Network: We don't get the name, but we love all the cooking shows! "Essence of Emeril," "Good Eats," "Iron Chef" and "Chopped." We don't know who they're fighting with, but our stomachs want in!  — compiled by the Daily Arts Department