As far as I'm concerned, the best part about the Brian Jonestown Massacre is the chaos. Sure, it's a good band and all -- its music is cohesive, well-produced, mildly psychedelic and still approachable -- but it's not like the band is light-years beyond its peers or anything. BJM is a good band and there's definitely nothing wrong with it, but that's about as much as I'm willing to praise the band's music.
From a group-dynamic perspective, though, no one really does it like BJM, at least outside the realm of "Ricki Lake Show" outtakes. To put it bluntly, these guys are volatile in a terrifying, amusing and oddly gratifying kind of way. It really seems like they hate each other with the fiercest, most unbridled passion imaginable, and yet here they are, years after the release of their first LP, still headlining shows at big venues in major markets. Their love/hate relationship somehow makes them more fun to cheer for. You want them to be successful because they seem like they could implode at any moment.
Although to be fair, this isn't the same band as the one that released its first album on the label Candy Floss all those years ago. Through his own general unpleasantness, singer, lead guitarist and all-around jerk extraordinaire Anton Newcombe has upset, threatened or actively assaulted 22 former band members into leaving BJM. This band changed personnel quicker than General Motors.
Newcombe is a guy who got arrested for kicking one of his own fans in the head. He once tried to fight his whole band while onstage with them... all of them. In 1991, when a reporter tried to compare him to Eric Clapton, Newcombe wondered, aloud and to a member of the press, "What the f--k has Eric Clapton ever done except throw his baby off a f--king ledge and write a song about it?" This is not a nice man.
Nonetheless, it certainly makes seeing the band more exciting. Is Anton Newcombe going to refer to me as "the poster boy for legalized abortion," which he has said in the past about other musicians, or ruin his career by instigating a drunken punch-up in front of the major label A and Rs who want to pay him to make music, which he also has done in the past? I don't know, but the only reason I went to see his band last week was to find out what uniquely self-destructive antic he and BJM would perform before my very eyes.
I was, to say the least, disappointed that instead of threatening or belittling its fans with the aggression of someone with severe emotional problems, BJM professionally and amicably charged through nearly 25 songs from its good-not-great, totally-inoffensive-but-not-that-inspiring catalog.
Songs like "Got My Eye On You," "Nailing Honey to The Bee" and "Oh Lord" show off the rockabilly/psychedelic/alt-rock/alt-country sounds that the band has done so unremarkably since the early 1990s. It's totally fine -- with little variation, BJM makes the kind of guitar-driven, risk-free music that white people have been making on a pretty regular basis for a few decades now, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Still, it wasn't worth my T fare. Hearing outlandishly degrading heckles from a man who, at any moment, could throw a tambourine at me, his drummer or his grandmother would have been more than worth my time and money. Nobody antagonizes their associates or supporters quite like BJM, nobody deserves a public collapse more than Anton Newcombe, and it would have made me very happy to see his train crash, even if it was into me.
This week, actor Kal Penn left the TV show "House" for a job as an associate director of something important-sounding in the White House Office of Public Liaison. Fans of "House" were frustrated by his character's sudden suicide, college students nationwide who hope to work for the government switched their majors to acting, and White House gardeners began growing more grass in preparation for Penn's arrival. Here at the Daily Arts Department, we're confident that Penn has stellar qualifications for his new job, and think that other celebrities could greatly contribute to the White House's efficiency and appeal. Here are the top 10 celebrities we think the White House needs to hire. 10. Samuel L. Jackson as head speechwriter: We're tired of boring, quiet speeches, so we propose Samuel L. Jackson for head speechwriter. His speeches will be vulgar and loud, and they'll make it clear when our President has had it with any [expletive deleted] snakes on any [expletive deleted] planes. Since President Obama does not look like a [expletive deleted], Jackson will make sure that no one tries to [expletive deleted] him like one. 9. Tommy Chong as drug czar: Dude, all y'all up-tight sticks in suits need to relax, man. With Tommy in charge, maybe the government can just chill the heck out. 8. Jenna Jameson as director of national public school sex eduction: At least with her in charge of sex education, there will be no unanswered questions in those curious little teenage minds. And she has to know a thing or two about contraception. Just sayin'. 7. Sir Mix-a-Lot as executive secretary of the posterior: Corruption is a "real thick and juicy" problem facing our country today, so wouldn't it would be totally awesome to have a man who "cannot lie" in the White House? He could lend his anatomy expertise to governmental officials, and, with his new influence, he may finally get the chance to stick it to Cosmo. 6. Scarlett Johansson and Brad Pitt as co-directors of being really, really, really ridiculously good-looking: Their first act in power will be to populate the world with ridiculously good-looking children. Move over for your new half-sister, Shiloh. 5. Tina Fey as press secretary: Let's be honest, Tina Fey would be amazing in any White House job because she's awesome. Period. However, press secretary seems to be particularly appropriate because she has the credentials from her SNL stint on "Weekend Update." If the characters she plays can deal with Regina George and Tracy Jordan, the Associated Press should be a piece of cake. 4. Kiefer Sutherland as torture master: Few Americans have tortured or needlessly killed so many nameless henchmen in the line of duty as Sutherland's Jack Bauer on "24." If ever a ludicrous national security crisis arose, we'd feel okay putting Sutherland in a soundproofed room with any suspected terrorists, a cattle prod and none of that wussy Geneva Conventions crap -- just as long as we don't have to watch. Though we're pretty sure that's Dick Cheney's wet dream, so he might want in. 3. Shaq: All we want is Shaq wandering around the White House. That would be so great. He could lend a (huge) helping hand to anyone in need, assist in policy meetings, slam dunk press conferences, foul foreign dignitaries who are out of line, defend the grounds with his Shaq-fu, and just generally be a great addition to the aesthetic and ambiance of the most important house in America. Shaq Attaq! 2. Martin Sheen as acting president: If any one actor can be characterized as extremely presidential, we think it's Martin Sheen because of his role as the President on "The West Wing." So forget that train-obsessed Joe Biden; when Obama is otherwise occupied, the White House should have Sheen on hand to sit contemplatively in the Oval Office. He doesn't even need to do anything; we'd just feel more comfortable knowing he was there. 1. Judge Judy as attorney general: If Judy can decide whose babydaddy is whose illegitimate son and whether or not he owes his second cousin once removed $500 for wrecking his four wheeler after his great aunt insulted his favorite dog, she can figure out anything the government throws at her. Rumsfeld, beware!
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