Dear Will Smith,
First, there were the rumors about the Obama girls (the daughters, not the hot one) appearing on the "Hannah Montana" show. Now we hear you're thrusting your own child into the spotlight by producing a remake of "The Karate Kid" (1984). Look, buddy: if Lil' Bow Wow has taught us two things, it's this:
1) Don't call yourself lil' anything if you ever expect to get a girlfriend.
2) Artistic talent does not necessarily translate from one generation to the next.
Face it — his performance in "The Pursuit of Happyness" (2006) alongside Daddy was cute, but a gimmick can only work for so long. Don't you see that re-working a classic just because your kid is in a karate class can only end badly? Think about it.
First, your son will never be able to recover from the ego boost. He'll try to pick fights with people way out of his league simply because he can say, "I'm the Karate Kid." Think that old "wax on, wax off" technique will work against someone who actually knows how to fight? Think again.
Second, what was wrong with the first "Karate Kid" anyway? Don't you know anything about making bad remakes? You have to wait at least three decades before you ruin a classic film. Just look at "Psycho" (1998) and "Planet of the Apes" (2001) — those movies were horrible and reminded all of us just how much better the original movies were. This remake will do nothing more than make us long for another "Men in Black" sequel — and that is a truly sad prospect.
So Will, do us all a favor: Go back to acting or rapping mom-friendly lyrics and let your son be a kid. Maybe one day he'll unleash the dragon, but that will be on his own terms.
Sincerely,
The Daily Arts Department
