Gentle Reader,
It’s another Friday morning on the hill. I say that partly because it has a nice ring to it and partly because it helps me process the little time we have left together.
I’ll reserve my mawkishness for next time. But in preparation for our final Friday, I have one request for you all: use my trusty form and give me your most astonishing lore. Hold nothing back. Confess your love to that secret someone. Spill your deepest romantic secret. In return, I promise to make my advice worth your while.
I’ll prove it to you with today’s edition, which happens to be an area of special interest for me. On this mid-April Friday morning, we are talking about all things dating within the unyielding bubble of a small Massachusetts liberal arts school.
In my three and a half years here at Tufts, I have collected my fair share of pesky romantic overlap stories — most of them being ones I have observed secondhand. By now, you may be catching on to my affinity for observation. At a school of nearly 7,000 students, a number that most of the time feels much smaller, people-watching can be a surprisingly fulfilling pastime.
So, let’s observe two stories of petri-dish-dating together.
YEARNER #1: “One of my good girl friends started going out with a guy I used to have really strong feelings for. How pissed should I be? The guy and I never dated or anything but she knows how much I liked him and him and I finally decided to just be friends less than a month ago (so super quick turn around time).”
My heart goes out to you, Yearner 1. At Tufts, you are surely not alone in this one.
How pissed should you be? Well, how pissed are you? Let yourself feel upset! A month feels like nothing in the timeline of getting over someone, and a good friend gets that. That’s the bottomline, if you ask me.
Depending on how much you value your friendship, it might be worth a conversation with your friend. Let her know that you were still getting over the guy and that it hurt when they got together so quickly. Sometimes we get a little delusional in romance, and it might be good to remind your friend of this guy’s history.
YEARNER #2: “Do you have any advice on the incestuous web that is tufts lesbian/queer women. Basically... is it bad to be talking to two people or be open to hooking up with either one of them if I know that they used to hook up with each other and had a really bad falling out a few semesters ago. Help.”
Yearner 2, finally! I’ve been patiently waiting for this one. I’ll take a minute to loop in those of you who aren’t familiar with the world of sapphic dating.
Navigating small-school dating as a queer woman means confronting a complex web of friendships, past-hookups, exes and secret crushes. Someone should really make a movie about it. Or start a romance advice column, maybe.
It sounds like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, Yearner 2. Except the rock and the hard place hate each other now, used to like each other and you like them both.
I think this ultimately comes down to your closeness with these two people. As long as you’re being transparent about your openness to being with other people, I say keep your head down and have fun. There will be no one left if you avoid every awkward overlap there is out there.
TL;DR: When it comes to small-school dating, tread carefully but keep treading.
Thanks for being here, everyone. I’ll see you in two weeks for our next and final edition of Hearts on the Hill.
With love,
Julia
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