Disclaimer: This article contains spoilers for “The Most Fun We Ever Had” by Claire Lombardo.
How does our parents’ relationship define what we look for in a partner? How does being the youngest child of four impact our self-perception? Who gets to define a home and a family? These are some of the questions this book attempts to illustrate and answer.
“The Most Fun We Ever Had” is a story about the Sorenson family, jumping between the origin story of the parents, Marilyn and David and the present story, four grown adult daughters who are navigating grief, past trauma, disappointing relationships and more. The details here are far from important, so I’m going to dive into my thoughts and reflections after reading the book.
One theme present throughout this book is the idea that we can never truly know the people around us. Although we may have given birth to and raised them, and may be their closest friend, they can still be a complete mystery to us. We all have complicated identities, with hidden thoughts and secrets, unbeknownst even to ourselves sometimes and we’re all in the process of figuring out who we are in this complicated world. How can we expect others to know us before we even know ourselves?
But, of course, this doesn’t mean that those around us don’t worry about how we’re doing, or don’t care about us, or don’t love us. We’re all just trying our best in a world that is so much larger, more complicated and unpredictable than any of us could ever imagine.
The other main theme of this book is that we will never really know how our actions and choices can impact other people’s lives. Remember when you got engaged and brushed off your sister’s phone call because you were so drunk on happiness? Little did you know she was having a miscarriage. Remember your offhand comment about your second daughter being the “perfect child”? Little did you know she would grow up holding herself to the highest standards, mentally punishing herself when she was anything but perfection.
The closer you are and the more you love those around you, the more you’re bound to affect them in profound, often unintentional ways. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As this book traces through the narratives of each individual daughter, we see how the story of their parent’s relationship influences their individual romantic lives. One struggled to form any connections. One grapples with fears of settling for something less than. One learned to love without restraint. As Marilyn, the mother, realizes, she cannot know how her daughters will be influenced by her relationship with their father. She can only be at peace with her own choice and hopefully guide her daughters to be happy too.
At the end of the day, you can never know exactly how your actions can affect those closest to you. You very likely will hurt them, and they will likely hurt you as well. But that shouldn’t discourage you from reaching out. That shouldn’t prevent you from connecting, from loving.
