After last week’s hiccup, I am back on track. I wrote this column not one, but two days before it was due to make sure soy milk was in stock at the Sink. Since it was, the moment you have all been waiting for has finally arrived. Here’s a review of this week’s Sink-nature drink — the Soylent Green.
If you don’t know, the name “Soylent Green” stems from a 1973 film in which (spoiler alert) this overpopulated planet’s source of sustenance has a secret ingredient — people. I’ll try my best to keep the cannibalism jokes to a minimum.
I like the wordplay of the name as it reflects the drink’s ingredients, but the reminder of a certain “Criminal Minds” episode where Tracy was stewed into the chili right before I was about to consume something, is slightly unsettling.
Moving on to the drink, or should I say drinks? Soylent Green is unique because while its advertised ingredients are green tea, soy milk and chai, when made cold, it is actually concocted with matcha instead of green tea.
My cover was blown this week after an interrogation by the baristas, so time won’t be a factor in this review. Apparently, ordering two of the same drink with slight alterations isn’t normal?
Onto the taste. Matcha scares me, almost as much as drinking something made by my peers, because it can be very hit or miss depending on how it’s made. Upon first sip of the iced Soylent Green, I felt like a caterpillar in a garden of herbs, inhaling those chai spice flavors along with some dirt essence, courtesy of the matcha. I found chai to be a perfect complement to matcha, enhancing that earthy taste without its own flavor being overpowered. This drink is the chrysalis that metamorphosizes that dainty caterpillar into a powerful butterfly.
I found the hot version of Soylent Green to be more fitting for post chrysalis life. The chai flavor was softened by the citrusy green tea and the subtle nuttiness of the soy, perfect for a newly emerged butterfly trying its best to stay afloat.
After a brief conversation with the baristas, I learned they are considering putting matcha in both versions because people often ask for matcha in the hot drink anyway.
The drastic differences between these drinks made for an interesting taste test. However, I can confirm that switching the drink to one base for both versions would make less cause for whiplash. I could even get behind the introduction of two Sink-nature drinks: one with matcha and the other with green tea.
When all is said and done, the choice between matcha and green tea is better than the alternative, because as they say “Soylent Green is people.” Stay tuned for next week’s sweet Sink-nature drink — Bee Sting.
Always brewing the best reviews,
Dylan Fee
