Johnathan M. Tisch College of Civic Life hosted a conversation with Nic Sheff, an author and advocate who writes about his experience with addiction and recovery. The Oct. 16 event was part of the Tisch College Solomont Speaker Series.
Sheff is known for his 2007 memoir, “Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines,” and for being the subject of the 2018 film “Beautiful Boy,” which stars Timotheé Chalamet as a young version of Sheff. The event was moderated by Tufts senior and Harm Reduction Education for Drugs and Alcohol activist, Sarah Lotsoff.
Lotsoff began the discussion by asking Sheff about how his life has changed in the years since releasing “Tweak.” He noted that one of the most significant changes has been his ability to stay sober.
“When I finished ‘Tweak,’ it ends on the note of … ‘I’m in treatment, and maybe things are going to get better.’ But I still really didn’t know that it was possible to live a full, happy, beautiful life in sobriety, because I just hadn’t had that experience yet,” Sheff said. “I always thought that getting sober was gonna mean having to live this second-tier, consolation prize life … and 15 years later, I can say that that’s not the case at all. I love my life today. I love being sober.”
Sheff touched on the impact “Tweak” and “Beautiful Boy” had on his relationship with his father by allowing the pair to reconnect and forge a deeper understanding of one another’s struggles.
“When [my dad] read ‘Tweak,’ he got to see that when I was relapsing, it wasn’t that I was having fun or partying. I was in a ton of pain, and the drugs and alcohol were the only things that had ever taken that pain away from me,” Sheff said. “Reading ‘Tweak’ really helped him to forgive me and to understand what my disease was.”
Responding to Lotsoff’s question about “Beautiful Boy,” Sheff explained the thought process behind the ending of the film, which leaves the future of his character ambiguous.
“To end the movie on a note of [addiction being] behind me, or behind these characters forever, and they’re all going to live happily ever after, just wouldn’t be truthful or fair to the people that were still struggling,” he said. “The scary thing about addiction is it’s a chronic illness. … That was something we were trying to convey in the movie without it being too horribly depressing, but also not falsely optimistic.”
Sheff also talked about the challenges of adapting a story about substance addiction to the screen without falling into common tropes about the disease.
“[Addiction stories] are very repetitive in a way that’s not very cinematic. [In] a normal movie, you have the three acts, and there’s a triumphant moment at the end. But the thing about addiction is that, so often, relapse is a part of recovery,” he said.
The typical addiction arc portrayed in film flattens some of the nuances of reality, according to Sheff.
“There were so many times in my life where it did seem like I had put my using behind me, and I was doing better, and I was working and going to meetings and stuff. And then I would end up relapsing again, and it was so devastating for everyone around me,” he said. “I would even be surprised by it; I’d find myself having relapsed and not even know exactly how I got there.”
Towards the end of the event, Sheff fielded questions from the audience. When asked about the top three takeaways people in the public should know about recovery, Sheff emphasized the importance of offering support rather than exacting punishment.
“Spreading that message of positivity and hope and love is so important, as opposed to making it a more negative, ‘You’re bad, and you’ve been bad, and so you need to be punished’ kind of thing,” he said. “It goes back to the way that people are treated in the criminal justice system as well. As much as we can help get people into diversion programs and into treatment rather than just incarcerate people, the better.”
Sheff’s message to those struggling with addiction is to seek out support, even when it feels impossible.
“The thing that I would just urge you all [to do], more than anything else, is just to believe that the help is out there if you ask for it,” he said. “[Recovery is] not easy, and it can take a little bit of time, but ultimately, we all can find those puzzle pieces that are our puzzle pieces that are going to be the ones that help us to feel okay and comfortable in our own skin.”
