For her daughter’s first birthday in 2019, Kylie Jenner hosted the inaugural edition of Stormiworld, a yearly celebration that featured theme park rides, gift shops, custom gilded cakes and celebrity guests. Call it an epic spectacle or an obnoxious display of wealth; it’s certainly quite different from how we approach birthdays here at Tufts.
Birthdays are a holiday like no other. Virtually every corner of the world acknowledges them, and although birthdays are all about the individual, you share your special day with millions of other people. Certain cultures and movements prescribe divine significance to the time and place of one’s birth. Throughout history there have even been periods where communities only celebrated birthdays of religious figures or of men.
After arriving at college, senior Gigi Copeland rekindled the birthday party ritual that she had put on hold for a while.
“I never had a birthday party in high school. It was all elementary and middle school,” Copeland said. “College has been a return to … the youthful whimsy of hosting your own birthday party and just being like, ‘Yay, let’s jump up and down and eat cake.’”
Copeland views birthday parties as a two-way exchange of care.
“It’s a chance for you, as the host, to show your friends how much you appreciate them by inviting them and gathering everyone together to have fun. It’s also an opportunity for your friends to show how much they care about you by showing up for you,” Copeland said.
Senior Maysam Hassan agrees that birthdays are a time to make someone feel special.
“Even people who you probably don’t talk to all year long will probably send you a message,” Hassan said. “You feel loved by everyone else. … You see how above and beyond people can go for you.”
If a birthday falls early into the fall semester for a first-year student, there isn’t much time for them to become acquainted with Tufts before their big day comes along. Sophomore Olivia Ballentine has a September birthday, which she celebrated with a small dinner in Boston and a surprise birthday cake during her freshman year.
“It was weird because … I was celebrating with a completely new set of people in my life that I barely knew yet,” Ballentine said. “I was like, wow … things are changing, I’m in college. It made me realize how differently my life was going to be now that I was 18.”
Some birthdays have even stranger timings, coinciding with other notable events. Senior Krish Savla’s birthday is on Valentine’s Day, which has spelled trouble for him in the past.
“It sucks, because I’ve gone out to lunches or dinners with my friends at college, and [there’s] been red balloons, heart-shaped balloons, red lights, couples being all giggly in front of me, and I can’t do that anymore,” Savla said. “My sister is also in Boston, so my sophomore year I got dinner with her, and … the waiter was like, ‘Oh, what can I get your girlfriend?’ And I lost it.”
Frankie Bancroft, a sophomore, experienced some differences in how he planned birthday parties before and after coming to Tufts. During his first year, he noticed people hosting joint parties for birthdays that coincided. When it comes to invitations, the social shift from high school to college can change the ways we navigate these special occasions
“A lot of my friendships in high school [were] very friend-group-oriented. … I would just text my friend group chat, and it would be very casual,” Bancroft said. “Now I definitely … have to plan something and text individual people.”
Copeland views a birthday party as a great way to strengthen friendships and introduce people to each other.
“I’m not of the belief that everybody who you invite has to already know each other. I think [birthday parties are] an opportunity for me to get to know certain people better,” Copeland said. “And then my different friends from different social circles, they can get to know each other.”
For her birthdays at Tufts, Copeland has hosted a karaoke night and a themed party in her suite. Last year, Copeland’s birthday occurred while she was studying abroad in London. To celebrate, she visited a friend in Oxford for afternoon tea, noting that turning 21 in the U.K. was not as momentous as it would have been in the United States.
Birthdays also mark the passage of time and can bring a dose of existentialism for some.
“As I get older, I’m always just more afraid of getting older. But I think that’s a me problem,” Ballentine said. “Birthdays are just a good way to celebrate yourself, and not [just] the age that you’re turning but also what you’ve done in the past year … and everything you’ve accomplished.”
Ballentine and Hassan both feel a bit uncomfortable taking up the spotlight during a birthday celebration. They’ve also each had a birthday party planned for them by friends at Tufts and have found it easier to relax and enjoy the celebration that way.
“My birthday falls on the 18th of December, so it’s always on finals week, and I’m not the type who likes to celebrate my birthday a week early or a week later,” Hassan said. “Freshman and sophomore year, I didn’t do anything with my friends.”
However, Hassan was able to celebrate with her friends in her junior year.
“My friend insisted, and she said, … ‘This time I’m going to take care of it, and we’re going to celebrate. We're going to get everyone here despite finals and stress,’ — and it was a great time,” Hassan said.
On the flip side, it can be empowering to have more control in the birthday party planning process. It can serve as a way to curate a type of fun that represents you better than other social gatherings at Tufts.
“When it comes to parties, if you want it done right you have to do it yourself,” Copeland said. “I think girls should throw more parties, because when boys throw parties, they are bad at it, and especially when the power, the agency to throw a party is concentrated within the hands of frat guys and athletes. … No offense to them, that’s never gonna be the vibe that I want.”
For those who celebrate their birthdays, there are so many approaches to take. Birthday parties can be intimate, impromptu, elaborate or skipped if it feels like a year to take a breather. Savla described a birthday ritual that his friends had during his first two years at Tufts.
“We had a group chat of, like, 25 guys … and anytime it was someone’s birthday … 25 men used to literally just go [to their dorm] and scream and yell at [midnight], and that was something we did, and it was fun.”
Hassan shared that she tends to enjoy celebrating her birthday in smaller ways as she gets older. Conversely, one of Hassan’s friends at Tufts did something quite unusual for her most recent birthday to celebrate the milestone of turning 21.
“My close friend, it was her birthday two days ago, and it was her 21st birthday,” Hassan said. “She ends up booking a flight to Las Vegas, goes there, spends the day and then comes back. So everyone really does it differently!”
Figuring out financial responsibility is another consideration to take into account at a birthday party, especially if it’s a celebration that involves more expenditure.
“If they want to go do an activity that is kind of expensive, they should treat the people that they’re bringing. But at the same time, it’s difficult, because I know from being in the other perspective of … [wanting] to treat them because it is their birthday,” Bancroft said. “When you ask someone to come to an event for a birthday that requires some spending, they do have the option to say no if they don’t want to do that.”
Whether it’s devouring a cake from Lyndell’s, hosting a gathering or leaving for some off-campus fun, Tufts students can celebrate their birthdays in whatever fashion they please.
“I think [birthdays are] something worth celebrating,” Copeland said. “Even if you think, ‘Oh, it’s stupid, I'm 34, now I’m turning 35,’ … who cares if it’s stupid, it’s an excuse to have fun and be silly, and why would you not take that opportunity?”
