The Anti-Bostonian: Gronk leaves Pats for the fraternity of retirement

Spring break for the Patriots doesn’t mean time off from work, but it does mean the Gronk Party Bus is out of Brady’s classroom. This time, school is dismissed — forever.

No longer parking itself between the Patriots offensive line and the outside wide receiver, the Gronk Party Boat will instead run post routes to the heavenly waters of the Boston Harbor instead of the end zone. He’ll go from working with teammates to working with his brothers (Dan, Chris, Glenn and Gordie Jr.) aboard his new frat-line cruiser: DDG (that’s Delta Delta GRONK, for those non-Panhellenic folks).

Rob Gronkowski managed to live up (or down) to every stigma a football player has. Hulking, masculine, loud and outgoing, Gronk somehow was a genius craftsman on the field in ways that seemed to supersede the capacity of his brain. More importantly, however, was that he knew his strengths — his combination of speed and size, love Gronk or hate him, was absolutely freakish — and he used it to torment everyone from undersized defensive backs to sluggish linebackers. He was, at his worst, a nuisance, and at his best, unguardable.

In his later stages, however, Gronk turned to a willing blocker, paving the way for some surprisingly effective rushing attacks to take some pressure off of Tom’s throwing arm. He was like having two men on the field, and his retirement means the Pats have two holes to fill.

The untimely nature of its decision will ultimately leave the Patriots offense in flux. Ultimately, the inevitable cliff that the Patriots are inevitably inching toward now suddenly seems like it’s just one left turn away. Yes, Bill kills offseason after offseason (they don’t “Kill Bill” — at least not yet), but a perpetual talent drain is an unsustainable laurel to continue to rely on. The talent sucking cannot continue, can it?

The departure of Gronk marks yet another outside target who has left the Pats' coffers. With Josh Gordon leaving the team, the Patriots were left with zero wide receivers who are six feet or taller, except for special-teamer Matthew Slater, who has not caught a pass since 2011. Again, it’s nice to beat teams over the middle of the field, but how many Julian Edelman and James White gadget-type players can you have? Combine this with Brady’s diminishing arm strength (it’s called aging, people), and you wonder how the Pats could stretch a defense in 2019.

The Pats offensive line continue to take blow after blow, too. Without Gronk to act as a swing-tackle on the outside, the offensive tackles will be even more important. Well, John Gruden and whatever-the-Raiders-are-doing just plucked left tackle Trent Brown for $66 million, leaving the onus on untested first rounder Isaiah Wynn, who has yet to play a snap.

Maybe it’ll work. Somehow, the Patriots never seem to make a wrong decision. But sometimes one has to bank on process over results, and using Super Bowl victory after victory — including some playoff marches by the slightest of margins — to pepper over the cracks is not the soundest strategy. The fall will come sooner rather than later.