When politics, fragile masculinity, incest collide: 'Riverdale' Chapter 24

Congratulations, “Riverdale,” you’ve outdone yourself. This week, “Chapter 24: The Wrestler” saw the typically strange “Riverdale” (2017–) cross over into the deranged as sexual energy pulsed through a number of inappropriate relationships. As if that weren’t enough, “Riverdale” also decided to get political this week, which, for the record, must be Cole Sprouse’s doing. Ever since Dylan booked that indie film, Cole has been pretending his CW teen drama is on its way to becoming groundbreaking progressive television. Know your audience, Cole.

The episode starts off with a meeting for Riverdale's hottest new club, the Pickens Day party-planning committee. Pickens Day is a day that honors General Pickens, the founder of Riverdale.The Lodges’ goal for this event is to bring the North and South Sides together to celebrate the town’s founding and forget about divisiveness that’s been plaguing both sides (and putting a wrench in the Lodge family's construction plans).

Everything is all well and good until Jughead has to interview Toni Topaz’s grandfather, one of the founding members of the Serpents, and finds out that the creation of Riverdale wasn’t such a celebratory event after all. Rather, Cheryl’s great-great-great grandfather ordered General Pickens to massacre the group of people who inhabited the area at the time (the few survivors of which formed the Serpents). This information horrifies Jughead, especially since there is a huge statue honoring Pickens in the park. Look at “Riverdale” trying to get in on the monuments debate. Toni Topaz also makes a comment about whitewashing history, so you know they’re really trying.

Jughead publishes a story in the Blue and Gold exposing General Pickens and Great-Great-Great Grandpappy Blossom (side note, Kevin’s gossip column for the Blue and Gold needs to get published online somewhere), and Toni’s grandpa decides that it’s time to take action. A huge group of Serpents turn up at the Pickens Day event with tape over their mouths and signs that say “honor this land.” Hiram, smooth manipulator he is, steps in and praises the Serpents for their brave use of free speech. This gets him a round of applause from the audience and nearly a punch in the face from Jug.

Surprisingly, this is not the only heated dispute Hiram has with a teenage boy this episode. On the FBI's orders, Archie is trying to cozy up with Hiram to learn more about him, but Hiram is not the biggest fan of his daughter’s current boy toy. Archie decides to curry favor by trying out for Hiram’s high school passion, wrestling. Unfortunately, Archie is terrible and loses quickly to Kevin, who is pretty impressed with himself for beating someone with the “physique of a 1970s porn star.” We’re really happy for you, Kev.

Basically, the rest of this plot involves Archie and Hiram trying to be more macho than the other. Hiram has fun emasculating this literal child. He forces Archie to wrestle him in front of all his friends and once he has him in a chokehold, whispers that he's "dominating him, demoralizing him." Honestly, it was kind of erotic. Watch out, Veronica, Daddy might be trying to steal your boyfriend. Later, Hiram mocks Archie's masculinity in front of Veronica, which leads Veronica to inform her father she finds singing Archie very sexy, and they proceed to make out in front of Hiram. There are no words to describe this dysfunction. The feud culminates in a running race at the crack of dawn. If this whole thing isn’t a textbook example of fragile masculinity, it’s unclear what is. Finally, Archie confronts Hiram, and Hiram ends up offering Archie an internship to teach him about business.Boys don’t make sense.

It wouldn’t be an episode of “Riverdale” if there weren’t serious incest vibes, and it also wouldn’t be an episode of “Riverdale” if those incest vibes weren’t coming straight from the Cooper household. Chic and Betty immediately begin bonding over the fact that they both dig their nails in their palms, but wait, it’s hard to even listen to what they’re saying because there’s definitely a weird sexual energy going on between these two.

Betty then goes off to school to show off photos of her new hot brother to her friends, and Kevin thinks he recognizes Chic from somewhere. It’s only later that he realizes he knows Chic from the Internet because in Kevin’s words, Chic is a “video gigolo,” or a “webcam boy.” So naturally, Betty heads online to check out all her brother’s internet erotica, and confides in Kevin she finds it “fascinating.” Yikes.

She comes home to discover Chic having a meltdown because his computer and camera have been stolen out of his hostel room, and now he has no way to keep making his videos. Betty, his new No. 1 fan, gives him her old computer and webcam. Aw, helping your brother keep making his pornographic videos, now that is sisterly love.

Near the end of the episode, Chic admits to Betty that he spied on her while she was sleeping, and of course it barely phases Betty. In fact, she admits to him that she wanted to get to know him because she thinks they both have a similar darkness inside them. And this week at least, that shared darkness is going to manifest itself in Chic showing Betty how to become a cam girl herself. You know what they say, siblings who make erotic videos together stay together.

By the way, we all but get confirmation this week that Chic is not Hal’s son, based on Hal’s evil treatment of him and his comment to Alice about how she “knows damn well why” Chic can't stay with them. Alice threatens to throw Hal out of the house again, and Hal storms off. Penelope Blossom, sex worker extraordinaire, spots this vulnerable Hal and pounces. They share grandchildren. (It’s fine?)

The episode ends with more monument drama — someone has decapitated the statue of General Pickens. Hiram immediately points a finger at the Serpents (so they almost certainly aren’t the true culprits). It’s possible Hiram did it, knowing that he could frame the Serpents for it, giving him even more leverage. It’s more probable, however, that it was Cheryl, who was pretty distressed when she found out her family had had a hand in the massacre. She once burnt her own house down; she certainly is capable of chopping off the head of a statue.

Okay, so not the best episode. There was too little plot momentum, and you just can’t try to bring up a serious political debate in the same episode that you introduce Betty and Chic: webcam dynamic duo. But they did, and somehow this unhinged nature of the show is part of what makes “Riverdale” so very special (and inexplicably addictive).

“Riverdale” airs on Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on The CW. Full episodes are available on cwtv.com and Netflix.